My Dog's Pregnant - Version 3.0

I'll be doggone....  It seems that despite our best efforts to keep our dogs Lucky and Lady separated during our many trips back and forth to Columbus a month or so ago when Lady was in heat, they somehow "got together" without our knowing about it.  Today, we've finally gotten over our denial and realized that Lady is again, without a doubt, very pregnant.  And to celebrate this knowledge I am reposting one of my MySpace blogs from last year, when Lady became pregnant last time.

[posted 22 July 2007 on MySpace]

The verdict is in: Lady IS pregnant again!  And since I will be out of town on my mom's mountain property in West Virginia for the next few days, without access to the internet, I want to share with you one of my blogs from the vault.  I originally posted it on June 16th, when it was entitled "My Dog's in Heat."    Enjoy!  And if anyone wants a puppy, please let me know.


* * *

Perhaps you've met my dogs, Lucky and Lady (yes, they're so proficient on the computer that they have their very own MySpace profile).  Quite impressive for two "cheeky mutts," as Sir Lancello has called them. 

Anyway, now they're looking to become more proficient at something else, namely sex.  I have no problem with someone (or some dog) needing to heed nature's call.  Who doesn't at some point?  But after cleaning up puppy pee and poop for three months this winter, I was pooped.  Eight little ones were more than enough and, cute as they were, I was glad to see them go.  Their little girl Miss Scarlett visited us for a couple of weeks this month while my brother was on vacation and, cute as she still was, reminded me why Nancy Reagan was right: Just Say No to any more puppies.  

Yesterday and today, we've been keeping the dogs separate.  And Jesus Christ, be glad you don't have to hear the racket Lucky is making.  Poor little fella.  He only gets to get it about once a year and his loving Dad (that would be me) is cockblocking.  Lady's laying here on the bedroom floor, by my feet, while I write this.  Lucky, on the other hand, is sitting exactly on the other side of the closed door.  He whines, then barks, then cries and whines and barks some more.  This went on all night, too, as well as the little bit of yesterday I was here.  If I open the door to go downstairs, he tries to barrel past me.  And when he's in the same room as me, he literally bounces off the walls trying to let me know that he needs to "see" Lady.  I feel bad for him, too. 

But maybe I shouldn't.  Maybe he's already gotten some.  This morning at 7 a.m., I took them both out to pee.  I hooked each of them to the chains I set up this week in the back yard.  These chains allow each of them to run in circles about 15 feet in diameter - circles that never meet.  The closest they could get to each other was one foot apart.  The perfect set-up while Lady remains in heat...or so I thought.

Anyway, I hooked them up out there this morning and came back inside to make the coffee.  I looked out the window afterward and saw them still safely apart.  It was a beautiful day, so I let them stay out for a bit while I read the newspaper on the commode.  Glorious life I lead, eh?  Then I got up and looked out the upstairs window again.  Uh-oh....  Lady had somehow pulled out of her collar and eased closer to Lucky, who was in half-mount pose.  I couldn't tell if he was just getting on or had just gotten off. 

I screamed out the window, "Lucky!  Sit!" and took off down three flights of stairs and flew out the back door to get him away from Lady the tramp.  Did I make it in time?  Or did Lucky get lucky?  I dunno.  I guess we'll have to tune in to my blog a few months from now to find out.

Oh...and my brother called.  He wants me to take Miss Scarlett back, too.  Offered me his $600 kennel to take her....  What the fuck is this, my home or the proverbial doghouse?  Funny, but my wife was just joking about putting me in the doghouse last night because I accidentally ran over some of her potted plants with my Mustang.  I think she was kidding.  Yeah, she was.  But it looks like we're both going to be in the doghouse for a while, whether we like it or not.  Or maybe I should say dogs' house.

Anyone want a puppy?  Maybe I'll give them all as prizes to the winner of Lance's and Kate's Blogger Special Olympics.  Yeah, that's the ticket!  Then I'll either be rid of all the sweet little critters or I'll win the contest.  Either way, life will be grand!


* * *


Note added on 22 July 2007:  I didn't win that contest after all.  But my offer still stands.  I will give the contest winners first pick of the pups.  First come, first serve.  So step right up and claim your prizes! 

Posted by Jesus Crisis at 3/6/2008 1:34 PM
Categories: Pets and Animals

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