Dicked: A Religious Blog
Easter 1998 - Jesus Crisis plays Jesus Christ in On the Third Day
a musical I co-wrote with my friends Martin P. and Jeremiah S.
for Marion Correctional Institution's renowned Ministry of Theatre
A few of my friends have expressed interest in me posting "religious" blogs again. Hmmm... it's funny how I go in phases. I blogged a million quizzes - then largely abandoned them to focus on "religious" topics - then largely abandoned that arena to reveal some of my history and rail against injustice - and then I dove into election 2008. And of course there have been sprinklings of poetry, pets, and even poop in between. Everything but the kitchen sink....
I'm not satisfactorily inspired to write that religious blog at the moment (although I am inspired in other areas). Guess I have less time for the heavens now that so much requires attention on earth.... Thank "God," though, that He (or She) has today given me a religious blog that requires no effort besides these few rambling lines of prologue.
I mentioned recently that I cavorted with the devil in prison. I use "devil" here metaphorically and even quasi-comedically to mean mainstream Christianity. This afforded me an opportunity to have musical and recording equipment, write plays and scores for theatre productions, get my name in print as a "writer," and make friends who were interested in doing more with their lives and being something other than criminals and convicts. So I took the path of least resistance... sold out, you might say, to a large degree. While it might have made me less of a bore, it made me more of a whore (sorry, I couldn't resist the rhyme). It wasn't all fake, though. I really did want to believe. Even convinced myself for a season that I did, and that my so-called belief was rational....
What was it really, though? A crutch? A compromise? A defense mechanism? Another "phase"? A necessary and productive step in my personal evolution? Probably a bit of all of all of these....
And so here is the new "religious blog" to which I alluded. It is actually an e-mail I just received from an old friend named Dick (which explains my blog title... lol). Dick is an Episcopal priest who for a season was employed by the State of Ohio as a chaplain at our prison. I learned a lot about theology through him. And he tended to be very supportive of inmates' creative and spiritual endeavors. His e-mail to me consists primarily of an article I wrote for the P2P (Prisoner to Prisoner) daily devotional in 2002. The articles in that devotional (published quarterly) were written by prisoners for prisoners and sent to institutions all over the world, although we also had a lot of readers and subscribers who were not (and had never been) convicts. I was a regular contributor to the P2P for two or three years - and although some of my writing from that period makes me cringe with embarrassment, I must admit I feel flattered that they are still regurgitating the pieces I wrote so long ago whenever they lack inspiring new articles from their current contributors. Hope you don't hate me for this... lol.
John,
I am editing the May/June P2P and needed a devo from the past... I came across this and thought of its contrast with your website... Thought you might want to see it.... it was October , 2002
“They forgot God their savior, who had done great things” - Psalm 106: 21
Remember the Miracle
It was the end of the road. God’s people leaving behind their slavery in Egypt had made it all this way – to the Red Sea. They found no bridge or boat as Pharaoh’s Army was closing in. Then a miracle happened! The mighty waters divided, a pathway to deliverance appeared and they were saved! But the Israelites’ joy lasted only until their next misfortune; they turned to golden images and away from God.
We are often so focused on what we don’t have that we forget our blessings. When I got 7-25 years in 1993 it seemed like the end of the road. I had heard of prison riots and was scared at the thought of being a “sheep” about to be devoured by wolves. I doubted that God cared or even existed. In my darkest hour I considered suicide. But then a miracle happened! My Red Sea parted… and I survived.
Eight years later I am healthy, have begun restitution, have found friends (in and out of prison) and have grown closer to my family. I play music in the Chapel, pursue my education and participate in our Ministry of Theatre. Instead of being devoured, I’ve been blessed. But prison life can be consuming and distracting. Like God’s children in the wilderness, I sometimes get so frustrated at not reaching the “promised land”, that I forget how He brought me out of “Egypt.” Despite His heavenly manna, I still want to grumble. Lord, give me a greater appreciation for your gifts and LET ME NEVER AGAIN FORGET THE MIRACLE – John Burroughs
In Christ, Dick+ "... For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, says the Lord God; so turn, and live." Ezekiel 18:32
Remember the Miracle
It was the end of the road. God’s people leaving behind their slavery in Egypt had made it all this way – to the Red Sea. They found no bridge or boat as Pharaoh’s Army was closing in. Then a miracle happened! The mighty waters divided, a pathway to deliverance appeared and they were saved! But the Israelites’ joy lasted only until their next misfortune; they turned to golden images and away from God.
We are often so focused on what we don’t have that we forget our blessings. When I got 7-25 years in 1993 it seemed like the end of the road. I had heard of prison riots and was scared at the thought of being a “sheep” about to be devoured by wolves. I doubted that God cared or even existed. In my darkest hour I considered suicide. But then a miracle happened! My Red Sea parted… and I survived.
Eight years later I am healthy, have begun restitution, have found friends (in and out of prison) and have grown closer to my family. I play music in the Chapel, pursue my education and participate in our Ministry of Theatre. Instead of being devoured, I’ve been blessed. But prison life can be consuming and distracting. Like God’s children in the wilderness, I sometimes get so frustrated at not reaching the “promised land”, that I forget how He brought me out of “Egypt.” Despite His heavenly manna, I still want to grumble. Lord, give me a greater appreciation for your gifts and LET ME NEVER AGAIN FORGET THE MIRACLE – John Burroughs
In Christ, Dick+ "... For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, says the Lord God; so turn, and live." Ezekiel 18:32
.....well.....hmmmm...i am tryin' like HECK to come up with an appropriate response to this...and i keep hearing myself say, "And then what happened?" .....dang voices.....
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That was my response to the e-mail... lol.
Kinda reminded me of the time I voted for George Bush (1988) when Al Gore didn't win the Democratic party nomination....
WTF?
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This was wonderful... I don't know how you would in any way characterize this as a sell out. I think what you did and felt was appropriate for the time of life you were in and your circumstances... It's frequently called survival... not a bad thing.
I thought what you wrote was very sincere and honest.
So share anything else you might have... you have eager listeners and readers.
Chris
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Thank you, Chris! Your comment really means a lot to me.
I appreciate your understanding and friendship.
I almost chickened out and didn't post this blog.
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Ok, John, it breaks down like this:
First point-- you did what you had to, not only to survive the dangers and boredom of prison life, but to advance yourself mentally and spiritually (not to be confused with "religiously"). So, concerning "whoring" yourself, I see it more as a survival mechanism, and a brilliant one, at that. You were respected and encouraged in prison, no easy situation to attain, I'm sure... and you came out better educated, more experienced, and I'm certain, more confident in your abilities as a writer, singer, and musician.
Second observation: the things you wrote in prison may have meant, and still may mean, something special to those who read them... you will never know the extent of the ripples from the pebbles you dropped into that pond. And if you cringe or blush at what you may have written back then, that still won't change the fact that you touched others through your postings (as is evidenced by their resurfacing now). And all that was in a positive way.
Third point: the piece wasn't that bad... although it lacked the sophistication and polish that you now employ in your blogging, and although it
leaned heavily toward the heavens (sorry; couldn't resist), it was inspirational, and there's nothing wrong with that. The Minister especially liked the final paragraph, where your exultant spirit shines through.
Again, I refer back to what I've posted in previous comments: the strength of your character dominates your writing, no matter your age or style or physical location, and it's impossible not to see the light of your indomitable spirit.
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Thank you, Minister!
Your insight amazes me. Indeed I did at the time feel I was making a positive difference in people's lives, helping them cope and survive, et cetera. Even doctors hand out crutches at times. Sometimes they even need them themselves.
I appreciate the affirmation and I'm happy I have such fantastic friends.
P.S. I heard a rumor that you're Pierre. But if you are, I won't tell.
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Ahhh, my lord... you should know that The Minister is whomever you want him to be... for he is an extension of your "ministry" as Jesus Crisis, and a representative of "the congregation", as well... so Identity should not be the factor here so much, as Intent... and The Minister intends to keep on keeping on...and sending many blessings your way.
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In this writing, I see a man who is courageous,who has grown in faith, and who has stood strong to overcome what has happened to him. Not knowing you before your time in prison, I am quite sure you were always this way but, for a brief moment, you let Satin lead you his way. God has forgiven you and you should be at peace in knowing this. You should no longer dwell on the past. Follow your father, walk the same path he walks, obey what he says and eventually you will be reawakened. When I went through my Via de Cristo, I felt I was worthless, I cried the whole weekend I was away from home (July, 2005) and I realized, I was scared because I was in God's land, one-on-one with him, being tested daily. I had no cell phone with me, no watch, no tv or radio, and was completely on my own. I broke through on my last day realizing why I was there. I was being prepared to help my family deal with the death of my mother. I was the only one who did not cry during her funeral, I was the supporter, the rock. As I said before, "God only gives you what he knows you can handle." This prison time was your test. Just keep believing in him love.
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Thanks for your comment, Kimberly. There is a prison equivalent to your Via de Cristo experience called Kairos. I'm trying to remember when I went through that weekend retreat. 2000, I think.... They served the best food I had the whole time I was in prison.
I later became keyboardist for the Kairos band, which performed at all subsequent Kairos weekends and reunions.
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Awee sometimes I don't have the words to say. It is always true life is full of lessons. It isn't always fair but life is just. One of the questions I have often asked myself. When was the last time I was truly happy. I mean happy for a long time? I could not find that answer. Life is like a roller coaster ride. Always up and always down.
Love to you dear friend. We let it go and we just flow. Just live life.
Namaste'
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I thought I responded to this yesterday, but now I see that my reply didn't post. Curious....
You always have amazing insight and good advice. Thank you, Shyloh! I feel greatly honored to call you my friend.
"We let it go and we just flow. Just live life." This is my mantra today. Namaste....
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your tao is showing today...
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My Tao? Wow!
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love,
eeyore
*laughing*
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This haunts me...
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It does me, too, to some degree....
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my dear virgo,
first, please stop picking your old writings up and cringing when you read them.
you write a hell of a lot better, even in the pieces that you personally don't care for than most people who have many published books out there do.
i understand your search for perfection. i understand where it comes from. you have more drive in you than just about anyone i know. baby you can drive that car. yes you're gonna be a star...
as for the rest of this, you didn't sell yourself out, you did what you needed to get you through the night. and "whatever gets you through the night, it's alright, it's alright".
sucicide thoughts? we've talked about this before. i know what that is like as well. people like us don't end up as suicides though. we know that suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. you, dear virgo, knew what something like suicide would do to the people who love you, as i know what it would do to the people who love me. it's too easy an out, and unlike running away from home, its forever.
miracles can happen whether you are a christian or not. i don't for one single second believe that there was a moses who literally parted the red sea, anymore more than i believe noah built an arc, however, the ideal of if it is appealing.
we all need to believe in something. even if someone's beliefs vary vastly from my own, and that's bound to happen because i have an interesting set of things i believe in, it does not make mine right and theirs wrong, even if they insist they are right and i am wrong.
"Hope you don't hate me for this..." *snorts* yeah, that's gonna happen...
*lights a cigarette* now, what were you saying about crutches?
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Wow... I very much appreciate your comment, mb, as well as your friendship. You know, sometimes a comment is so perfect that I have trouble responding to it. I want my response to be perfect, too - but the comment already seems to have said it all. And so I sit here, drink my über-strong coffee, stare at the computer screen, listen to Van Morrison, and reflect.
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one more, and we could be 3 of a perfect pair
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lol... That's been one of my favorite CDs
since before I knew what CDs were.
It blew me away as a high school senior ('83-'84)
One of my favorite lines from the disc:
Adrian Belew's "Dig me, but don't bury me."
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MB "miracles can happen whether you are a christian or not. i don't for one single second believe that there was a moses who literally parted the red sea, anymore more than i believe noah built an arc, however, the ideal of if it is appealing."
God is no respecter of persons. What he does for one he will do for all.. Love that statement you made..
Parting the red sea is a faith to get us through all the storms. Ummm maybe that's a new quote for me haha.
Namaste'
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I can dig it. Now this discussion has the Lou Reed song "Busload of Faith" playing in my head. I'll have to dig out that CD.
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"You cant depend on no miracle
You cant depend on the air
You cant depend on a wise man
You cant find em because theyre not there"
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i used to own a cat named "faith". or did "faith" own me?
salaam, shyloh
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"You gotta have faith faith faith..."
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*nods* indeed.
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Ooh, nicely said, MB. John, this blog is clearly one of my favorites. And the comments are good too.
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Thanks, Terese! Often I think the comments are better than the blogs.
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thanks terese
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I think we've all broken our minds on something at some point. When I was in a twelve step program I broke myself for six months.
I used to be a rigorous atheist but I'm now open to the idea of reality being interactive and intermeshed.
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Thanks, Kathy!
"reality being interactive and intermeshed" - now that's something I can definitely and unhesitatingly believe in, whether times are good, bad, or neither. You remind me of Edmund's proclamation in Shakespeare's King Lear: "Thou, Nature, art my Goddess; to thy law my services are bound." Ironically, we too are part of Nature and therefore of this metaphorical "Goddess." It's the so-called supernatural that I have trouble swallowing. Perhaps the things we view as "supernatural" are merely natural phenomena we are not yet able to understand or explain.
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"poetry, pets, and poop" - what a great line.
you certainly have the looks to portray J.C. (the 'other' J.C.).
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I love alliteration
Thanks, my fine friend!
I also played Jesus in 2001's In Remembrance - but I don't have a picture from that.
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Just got home from Santa Fe and missed all these comments since I haven't only been on-line with a computer that is so slow that you tear out your hair with AOL dial up. All I can say is this guy, John, alias, Jesus Crisis, alias The Minister of the Church of Crisis, has perfected his ability to realize who he is after all these 41 years. I have known him for so long nothing he says or does surprises me. He is one of the best writers on my space, one of the best and most spiritual people I have had the pleasure to know, and he is definitely a survivor of untold hells and setbacks. I have many, many letters he wrote to me in prison. I did publish the first three in my blogs. I have been his teacher, his friend, and even more and all I can say is keep going with these reminiscences of past while looking to the future when all disappointments, mistakes, good and bad judgment are in the past. Kudos to you my dear, love and peace and hope. Let the spirit flow within, keep writing and thinking. If I would print out all the blogs on my space it could be published as a memoir. Here's a toast to you:
Salud, dinero, y amor. I wish the best for you forever. Elena.
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Muchas gracias, Elena!
But I swear I'm not the Minister of the Church of Crisis...
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Oh, I see. You are channeling my dad, a Minister and Navy Chaplain who is now buried at sea. Is the Church of Crisis channeling Jesus, or is it the other way around? At least it is an interesting dialogue by someone called John whose face appears as a saint on all the icons. Is he a saint as well? I like jigsaw puzzles also. Keep up the saintly work, please.
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Bless you, my child!
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wow. sexy christ! and such a holy jail baiter you were--i'm beginning to see how we connect god-wise, you and zayn.
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LOL... and I think your adverb "god-wise" also works as an adjective.
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