Dad: Thicker than Blood
I don't feel like writing much tonight. Just want to let everyone know that my dad's in the hospital in West Virginia.... From what I've heard, the doctor who tried to do a heart catheterization on him discovered that three of his arteries are completely blocked and the fourth, main artery is at least 90% blocked. So they're going to be performing quadruple bypass surgery on him Monday.
Me and Dad before heading to College Heights Baptist Church - December 1971
Dad's always been one of the toughest, most invincible people I've known, as well as the most honest, hardworking, and committed to doing what he believes is right. We don't always see eye to eye on things, and we haven't always had a lot in common. But he has quite a few qualities I admire, and over the years I've come to have a great deal of respect for him. You know the saying "Blood is thicker than water"?
Dad and me with our parakeet Popeye and my transistor radio - circa 1972
One of the most special things about my dad, though, is that he's not my biological father. He married my mom when I was about one and a half years old. And even when their marriage didn't work out, I was always his son, no matter what. For a while as a young adult I became so set on finding "my real father" that I didn't really appreciate the dad I had. Well, I did find that guy. But guess what: he wasn't Dad. You see, Dad chose to be a part of my life - through good times and bad. My biological so-called father, on the other hand, chose not to be a part of my life. Though Dad's never been the most demonstrative person emotionally, his love has never failed.
1990 - with my step-mom, Dad and brother at my first college graduation
A lot of dads love their flesh and blood children. And that's a wonderful thing. But I feel I'm luckier than those children because my Dad chose to love me. He didn't have to - but he did. Even when I overlooked him in search of another guy I thought was my dad.... Even though he had to find out about me working in a gay bar by opening his morning paper at work and seeing me on the front page.... Even though my imprisonment had to be a hard pill to swallow.... He's never shied away from being Dad.
Dad and me too early in the morning (for me at least!) in October 2005
You know how he responded when I came home and expressed regret that my family had to endure the embarrassment of me being an ex-convict? He looked at me in disbelief and said, "I'm not embarrassed. You're my son."
And that, my friends, is thicker than blood.
Please remember Dad and our family in the coming week. Peace....
if your dad is anything like you, i know he's a fighter and will pull through.
love
Reply to this
Thanks, Meribeth! I think he's a lot stronger than me.
Maybe this will convince him he's earned the right to retire. He retired once, in 1998, and moved to West Virginia. But then he said he could only take so much fishing, and so he went back to work.
Reply to this
john, my aunt went through this recently, about 6 months after having a mastectomy. almost everything was blocked. she's still here.
thought a story of survival might help some.
Reply to this
Thanks, mb!
Reply to this
How beautiful. He loved you from the second he saw you. This would make him happy, and, probably make the tough guy cry. Mom
Reply to this
Thanks, Mom! I'd be a little embarrassed if I knew he was reading this. I like to pretend I'm tough like him - even though I'm a softy.
Reply to this
What an interesting story & photos. I'm sorry about the operation.
Reply to this
Thanks, Kathy! He's in good hands - I hear the hospital is known for its world class cardiac care.
Reply to this
Similarity of circumstances I have gone though so I want you to know you are in my thoughts tonight. So many have now had open heart surgery. My husband lived for 17 years after his and this was done in an emergency at the Cleveland Clinic WHILE he was having an almost fatal heart attack on a Sunday morning. Also my nephew also had a step dad and spent his life looking for his biological father. He just found him a couple of years ago. Another long story. But his
dad loved him as much as his two half brothers. So life goes on, doesn't it?
Keep optimistic and loving and know he is going to be ok. Bill Clinton has had open heart surgery as well and you saw him only a week or so ago. Keep optimistic and loving and we will all survive. Hugs and love to you all.
Reply to this
Thanks, Elena! Your comment has made me feel more optimistic. Not sure when yet, but we'll probably be heading to Charleston soon. Sunday morning at the latest.... Don't know if I'll be in internet or cell phone range (it's always spotty in West Virginia) - but I'll try to keep everyone posted as time and access permit.
Reply to this
.....thoughts of good health, hope and gentle healing are sent across the wires...your dad sounds like a GREAT fella....guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree......*hugs friend*
Reply to this
Thank you, barbie! Means a lot to me...
Reply to this
Best wishes to your dad for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. My thoughts are definitely with you and your family.
It's plain to see that you are both good men.
Reply to this
Thank you very much, Susan!
Reply to this
JC I'm so sorry to hear about your dad!!
I'll keep him in my thoughts for a speedy recovery!
Reply to this
Thank you, Angela!
Reply to this
My peace I share with you. Love and comfort are with you at this time.Love you are tough a lot tougher then you ever realize. Look what you have came through?! Now take me for instance. NOT so sure I would have made it. You are a rock..
Namaste'
Reply to this
I think you would have made it, too! Way back when, I wasn't so sure I'd make it either. Glad I ended up being wrong.
Thank you so much for your kind words and friendship, Shyloh!
Reply to this
YOU AND YOUR DAD and your family are in my prayers tonight. peace...zayn pierre
Reply to this
and in mine as well. Best wishes for your Dad!
Reply to this
Thanks, Terese!
Reply to this
I'm grateful, Zayn!
Reply to this
I think that this blog is a wonderful testimonial for your father. It is beautifully written, and is perfectly illustrated by your chosen photos. One can sense deep feelings and strong emotions running beneath the surface of the words... and if you are lucky to have him for a father, then he is also lucky to have you as a son. You do have the opportunity, JC, to share with him how you feel, before his surgery, if you wish to. Perhaps he should read this blog of yours....
It is fortunate that the physicians found the blockages and have the opportunity to do (a scheduled, rather than emergency) surgery. The Minister knows many people who have had CABGs (coronary artery bypass grafts, or "cabbages"), and they all have done well, and gone on to live long and fruitful lives. The Church and Minister will be holding your dad close in our thoughts and in our hearts, and will be sending both you and your family... and especially your dad...all our positive vibrations for a smooth, successful operation.
Reply to this
Thank you very much, Mr. Minister!
Peace....
Reply to this
this made my day a wee bit brighter. your "dad" sounds special.
Reply to this
ps - best well wishes to you all.
my brother, dad and mom died in that order - things are different (and in a way better) after your parents pass on.
sounds cruel, but true.
Reply to this
Thanks, Smith. Indeed he is....
Reply to this
This is a great tribute to your dad and a wonderful reminder of the importance of fathers. I think we all go through a phase when we're young and we don't appreciate our parents. We soon learn how amazing our dad's really are. Thanks for sharing those great pictures. They made your reminiscences come to life. I will certainly say a prayer for your dad tonight
Reply to this
Thank you, Tara! Very much....
Just to let everyone know... I just learned that there are even more blockages than what I mentioned in the blog.
Reply to this
John,
I received this blog this morning and because I was running late for work after reading it, I was unable to respond until now. Believe me, I pondered on what kind of words of support I could give you. I lost my mom 2 years ago to heart problems (more the doctors' faults than her own heart). Anyways, if you feel you need to be with him, go to him because you will never know when God will call him up. The final picture I have of my mom is posted on my myspsce page of her in the hospital. It was a good day for her! But the most upsetting image of her is in my memory on that early March 12th morning at 2:04am when she took her final breath and left me to take care of my father and two sisters. I took a week off work before her passing, just to be with her, to rub her feet when they were sore, to brush her hair before my dad came up to see her, and to just show her how much I loved her. I was a walking zombie later that day and the day of her showing until the day of her funeral when my pastor spoke of her. I cried so hard, I couldn't breath. I miss her so much (even as I am contributing to your blog, in tears thinking of her)! You need to go see him. Take time out of your life and be there for him in person to let him know how much you love him. It will give some peace to you, your mind, and your heart.
Reply to this
Thanks, Kimberly! I appreciate you sharing your own heart-rending experience Such things can be tough to talk about, at least for me. Your mom was lucky to have such a daughter - and you were lucky to have such a mom.
We do plan to go be with him. Would've gone today, but my wife really wants to go as well and she couldn't get today off work.
Thanks again, my friend!
Reply to this
I can understand very well how all of us who have lost parents feel. I lost first my father, then my husband, then my mother all within three years. It was just one funeral after another and since I was the oldest sibling I had the responsibility for settlements of all three estates. Then I lost my youngest sister and the middle sister had open heart surgery in Australia. The amazing thing is that my aunt who was the older sister of my father is still alive. I found her last year in a retirement village in Florida. She is now 104 years old and she recognized me and told me stories about her life when I went to see her. She was a missionary in Africa. We all lose someone don't we?
I just hope and pray your dad comes through this operation without any complications. The coronary surgeons have made such tremendous advances in the past few years that this operation is becoming more and more common. So be optimistic and he will heal and be much better in short order. Love to you all.
Elena
Reply to this
Thank you, Elena! Your friendship means more to me than I can find adequate words to express.
Reply to this
John, My thoughts are with you, your father, and all your loved ones at this trying time! love ya bro!
Peace out Ramon
Reply to this
Thank you, brother! I'm grateful....
Peace....
Reply to this
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. As you probably know, I recently lost my mother, and my father passed just a year ago in December, so I can relate to what you're going through because of your dad's heart condition. I've known family members and the family members of my friends who have had the same heart operation and pulled through with flying colors.
Where are you in WV?
Reply to this
Thanks, Jay! I was very sorry to hear about your mother....
Our hometown is Richwood - but the hospital where dad's at is in Kanawha City, outside of Charleston.
Reply to this
I was born and raised in Richwood
How is your dad doing?
Reply to this
Thanks, Angela! I was born there, but not raised, unless you count our regular visits when I was a youngster. Still have lots of family around there, though....
He's doing amazingly well. Of course he still has a long recovery period ahead of him. But things have so far followed the best case scenario. Please check my response to ministerman above for more details.
Reply to this
My thoughts are with you and your family. Safe travels to WV.
Reply to this
Thanks, Adriane!
Reply to this
John, that is a nice tribute to Rick. He would appreciate it. You know Linda will show it to him when they get home. My husband has had 2 open-heart surgeries and he's still here. He and Rick can compare 'battle' scars this summer after a good day up the river. We have been praying for him and Linda both. Having been on Linda's side of the fence, waiting and worrying, it's not easy for either of them. I'm praying for God's protection for Rick and a quick healing with no complications. Pray for wisdom for the Dr.s as well. Again--nice tribute for your dad. Give the roses while they're living!
Reply to this
Thank you, Aunt Phyllis! I'm grateful for your prayers and encouraging words.
Geri and I are just heading out the door and should be at the hospital in around 4 to 5 hours.
Reply to this
How lucky you are to have a dad who "chose to be a part" of your life. Mine, and so many others, did not make that choice. How lucky also for your Dad that you made the choice to recognize his contribution to your life. Blessed, indeed, are those who do these unconditionally loving deeds. My prayers are with you and Dad as you both face this uncertain and difficult time.
Reply to this
Thank you, Bill! I'm sorry I've been unable to respond to your comment until now, but I'm happy to report that everything has gone as well as we could have hoped for Dad. We got to spend most of Sunday with him. He was in surgery from about 7 to 10 a.m. yesterday (Monday) morning - less than the four to five hours we had been told to expect. Yesterday evening, the doctors removed the ventilator. And tonight he's been transferred into a private room. Despite his eight blockages (I learned about the others after I posted this blog), Dad had always been active and had therefore built up some collateral blood supply to his heart, which probably kept him from having "the big one" and will make his recovery go very well. This morning, though he looked weak, Dad looked good and was in good spirits, even joking with us. They only let two of us see him at a time, for a half hour every four hours. But I think that restriction has been loosened tonight in his new room. Geri and I are back home now because she must work tomorrow morning.
Our family are extremely grateful for all the kind words, prayers, vibes, and thoughts of our friends in this difficult time. And we are grateful as well to have good news to report about Dad. If all continues to go well, he will be released from the hospital either Friday or Saturday!
Reply to this
All thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I only knew my dad for a few precious years and they are the most important memories of my life.
Reply to this
Thank you, Jane! Peace....
Reply to this
just checkin in. thinking good thoughts.
Reply to this
Thanks, my friend. Good thoughts have been followed by good results.
Reply to this
John,
Your dad would be honored to read this, and it just goes to show what a remarkable man you turned out to be. Your very fortunate to have that kind of love a dad is not who gave you life a dad is who raised you as the saying goes "Anyone can be a father it takes a special person to be a dad, and Rick was definately a dad". You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep in touch.
Love, Hanna
Reply to this
You're absolutely right, Hanna! And thank you for stopping by, responding, and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. So far, so good....
Reply to this
John,
Glad to hear your dad is doing good! Please keep all of us informed of his progress and give Rick and Linda my love and let them know I'm praying for his quick recovery and I have thought of them both often over the years. Your dad has a great support group and I know he will be running around like his old self in no time. Take care and God Bless.
Reply to this
Thank you very much, Hanna!
Reply to this
This brought tears to my eyes, more for the expression of the bonding and even more so when I realised he isn't your biological dad, he is more of a dad than my kids dad ever was to them during their growing up years....sending hugs and love from across the seas....
Reply to this
Thank you, Elaine! We're extremely grateful.
Reply to this
Thank goodness the surgery was so successful. The surgeons today have so much more knowledge and their patients recover so much faster than before. Some have had bypass surgery twice so the joke is that they should outfit them with a zipper just in case. My best wishes to you and your Dad. Bless you both.
Reply to this
Thanks, Elena!
Reply to this
I am so thankful your Dad is doing much better. Prayers can be strong when they are in numbers.
Love you Lori
Reply to this
Dad went home yesterday (Friday evening)!
Thank you so much, Lori....
Reply to this
John,
Good Morning, Just checking in to see how your dad is doing? Take Care Hanna
Reply to this
Crying.
Reply to this