Rapists
I began this in jail, on 5 September 1992, while awaiting release on bond... and finished it today.
Rapists
Indian summer sun squints, bloodshot as the
Wide wounded eyes of my cynical Seneca ancestors.
On and on and anon, an endless queue of
Unrelenting conquistadors,
Lusting for booty or bust,
Defile our trust and defame the
Name of God in the name of God.
Opportunity does not knock for
Trusting tribesmen, be they from Arizona, Africa, the Amazon or Akron.
Riding roughshod over every allegedly endless empire including
America the beautifully dutiful, the cursed hearse of history leads a
Parade of pathetic and unsympathetic plotters, plodders, priests and presidents,
Electable eels who feel their forked tongues and dung make them
Agents of distinction instead of extinction.
Sweetly sighing lullabies of liberty and expediency, these leaders
Open their bomb bays and pray first for the
Unconditional surrender of their enemies and
Last, if at all, for the bloodshot souls of the soon-to-be charred children of Hiroshima and Hanoi.
wow thats an amazing poem...I really like it
Reply to this
Thank you, Lysa... very much.
Reply to this
I'm thinking about changing the title to "Bloodshot" and cutting "of Hiroshima and Hanoi" from the ending to make it stronger. What do you think?
Reply to this
Either title works equally well; there is, of course, the "personal" angle with "Rapists"(which really grabs the reader and then leads him down a different path than he expects-- that's very effective) and the double-meaning angle with "Bloodshot" (which bookends nicely with the word repeated in the first and last lines). Would have to consider about the title, but ultimately, it depends on what you're going for-- shock value, or description. I'm leaning toward "Rapists", myself....
As far as the ending is concerned, The Minister likes the "of Hiroshima and Hanoi" touch. It is so evocative of the familiar photographic images of war that we've been exposed to so many times, and both of the evoked wars are in living memory... I like how the ages are portrayed: from "Seneca ancestors" and "conquistadors" to the modern cities of war.
Very nicely done... a hard-hitting and emotional poem. Bravo, JC.
Reply to this
Thank you, Minister! I greatly respect and appreciate your thoughtful feedback, as always.
Reply to this
Just got the "Lusting for booty or bust"
line/double entendre (hey, it's getting a bit late for The Minister...); verrry cleverly inserted, lord Crisis!
Reply to this
lol... thanks!
Reply to this
i think the ending is stronger with the hirosima/hanoi part.
Reply to this
Thanks, mb!
I trust your artistic sense and am grateful for your opinion.
Reply to this
I like "Bloodshot" better because, like sex in advertising, I consider the sexual titillation approach a cheap, sensationalistic approach in most cases. The "Hiroshima and Hanoi"phrase at the end is one of my favorite touches, because it leads my mind to add "and Serajevo and Bagdad." Thereby reinforcing the theme of this perpetual inhumanity tangled within the human condition. I also like that they "feel they are agents of distinction instead of extinction," because it touches upon the extremely dangerous ability too many people have for justifying social atrocities for whatever reason suits their momentary agendas.
Reply to this
Thanks, Lady Liberty! I very much appreciate your thoughtful response. I thought "Rapists" was a good description of the folks I was describing - and a good attention getter. But something about it made (makes) me cringe. And frankly, if I saw a poem called "Rapists" I might be inclined to skip it without reading. "Bloodshot" isn't quite as forceful, perhaps, but is still strong and seems to fit the poem better.
I like your insights a lot! Thank you again!
Reply to this
Yes, Bloodshot is good too. I agree with you about the Hiroshima and Hanoi part. But who am I to say? I'm certainly no poet! Children of war perhaps?
Yes, there are many types of rape. The raping of a nation. The raping of our land. The raping of all of us who have been lied to, and those of us who have had any injustices done to us. Yes, the Native Americans were raped in the very beginning and so it continues throughout history.
The "leaders" carry on gathering their money with greed in their eyes and run roughshod over the rest.
Yes we have bloodshot eyes because we have seen too much and have become cynical and no longer innocent, even the very young learn at an early age to be skeptical. The ongoing rape of mankind in the name of God has taken it's toll.
This poem has stirred some very raw emotions within me. So, I would say that in itself makes it a great poem.
Reply to this
Thank you very much, Susan! Your response is well stated - raw and powerful. I had always been appalled by the rape "our" leaders (I use "our" very loosely) have perpetrated throughout history, especially against our Native American ancestors here in America.
And there I was, falsely accused and sitting in "their" jail accused of "their" crime, writing poetry.
Reply to this
Love that you share this part of your life. Seriously.
Reply to this
Interesting poem. Are you going to get this published also?
Reply to this
Thanks, Elena! It will be published insh'Allah.
Reply to this
Thank you, Caroline!
Reply to this
Great poem. I like the pace. It seems fully expressed. You spill the words out abundantly like fruit laden boughs.
Reply to this
I think you made me blush!
Coming from you, an excellent poet with such high standards, this means a great deal to me.
Reply to this
Ouch. You can feel pain in this one.
The title IS catchy and does decribe many aspects of life?
<<
<<
Suze
Reply to this
Thank you, Suzette!
For comparison's sake and a bit of insight into my psyche at the time, here's the original as I wrote it in 1992. You'll notice I did a lot more rewriting on this one than I usually do. I didn't even come up with title "Rapists" until I dug it out yesterday. I should also mention that I found the original in a tie-dyed journal I had titled The Blood of a Swan.
or a body for that matter
Indian summer, red like the issue from my ancestors'
Wounds.
On and on, and endless queue of
Unrelenting conquistadors,
Lusting for booty,
Drinking of our flesh, destroy the
Name of God.
Opportunity never knocks for wild or
Tamed Native American tribesmen.
Reality is unbearable.
A curse on American history,
Peopled with all sorts of
English
And
Spanish-speaking Adolf Hitlers.
Oh! Isn't it they who dared judge the innocent of Hiroshima?
Under vermilion skies, I hear them cry until I am
Livid, "Deutschland Uber Alles."
- now tell me, who is the rapist?
Reply to this
Since I have so many contacts with Native Americans, Mexicans, Mayans, Peruvians, etc. your poem means a lot to me. The Conquest of America was a rape of the native people. Of course you know Ellis and I are on the same page with all of this and he probably had a lot to say in the courses you took from him. I am related in some way to Will Rogers through my maternal grandfather.
He had Cherokee blood I understand. Also I have recently been in Santa Fe where Native Americans are a large part of the population and the museums there are full of their culture, pottery and beaufiful weavings.
Reply to this
In retrospect Susan feels the strength of this poem. I would like to go on and say a few more words. But the emotions that get stirred up when I think about Hiroshima, and what we did, and perhaps had to do to end one of the most bitter and horrible wars on this planet. Just to mention Hanoi reminds me of Weigl, the poet I blogged who is now the poet of the Vietnam War. Incense and prayers don't erase away the stench of the bloodshed nor does our president who makes "religion a wedge and patriotism a bludgeon" for his political sins. These are words I copied from Barack Obama last night. If he now is going to be the nominee I really hope things can change. Your poem makes sense for today and yesterday and many years before. It is truly amazing what words in the right proportion create images and thoughts.
Kudos to you for your fine-tuned mind.
Reply to this
I always knew that Native Americans had been dealt with shittily (and as the African Americans can attest, they weren't alone). One of my favorite songs growing up was "Indian Reservation" by the Raiders.
In Ellis' U.S. history courses in the 1980s, however, I became even more aware of and appalled by the horrors "white" men inflicted on others to "build" this "civilized" nation.
Deep inside, though for a long time I favored his opponent, I am happy a man of mixed/African descent will likely become President in the coming year. And it's particularly nice to see it happen while my grandchildren (also of mixed/African descent) are in their formative childhood years. Priceless....
Thanks for your always interesting comments, Elena!
Reply to this
Like this.. it's quite different from the other stuff you've shared. Though the tone seems similar. If you could just share a little more of "where" you were in writing this it would be interesting... Obviously before you knew you were in for the long haul.
I lIke the journal title reference you make in the comments, Blood of the Swan... like the references and imagery you can go to with that. I would use it for a title somewhere. My own thought on that...
Reply to this
Feel free to use the title.
A 9th grade Spanish classmate, Jerry Snyder, had nicknamed me Juan the Swan at a swimming pool around 1980, and the name stuck for a while (the reason I signed the one letter Elena posted "Jean le Cygne").
Mom just called, needs me to pick her up from the hospital. I might write more later....
Reply to this
I meant YOU should use it for a title somewhere...sorry I worded that badly... Blood of the Swan has a nice ring to is is all.
Hope your Mom is ok...
Reply to this
Oh...
...lol.
Thanks, Chris.
Reply to this
may they pay some day.
Reply to this
Amen.
Reply to this
http://scienceblogs.com/denialism/2008/06/the_taiping_rebellionmass_murd.php
CHINESE or AMERICAN
some same difference
Normal.
Some same difference.
A middle-class HERO declares himself Jesus's brother, takes over the biggest country USA in the world, millions die. He also declared women equal and women served in his army. Traditional Christianity relied strongly on subjugation of women and one thing this nut-job saw clearly was that half the population was available for recruitment. Stop beating about the BUSH.
Reply to this
Same drag, different flag....
Thanks for sharing this, Charlax!
Reply to this
I love the poem and I often wonder what the Americas would be like now if Europeans had not come abroad?
Reply to this
Thanks, Pugzz! Good question....
Reply to this
Hey Pugzz, I gave a course called "1492, A Date that Changed the World." When Columbus sailed the ocean blue, everything changed, didn't it? Without the Discovery and Conquest of the Americas we wouldn't have all the knowledge and foods we eat today, including chocolate, the potato, tomato,
corn, chile, etc. Remember, Spain conquered three civilizations, the American Indians, Aztec, Incas and even the Muslim and Jewish civilization in Spain. It could be called rape but instead it created the diversity of races that we know today. I am glad that Obama won since he represents a new generation of voters and hopefully a new outlook in Washington for change that is badly needed in this modern world.
Reply to this
First, I love the poem. You have a very artful and engaging way of expressing ideas. I see that there is some controversy, for lack of a better word, over the last line. I think that instead of weakening the idea, the last line broadens it in a very relevant way. It is a reminder that the violence and exploitation that man commits against his fellow man is never an isolated incident, never an anomaly. Rather it is a central theme in all of human history. When viewed in it's totality we are faced with a ledger of violence, exploitation and oppression that has touched every race, creed and nation. In this way the slaughter of innocents though separated by place and time are deeply and inextricably connected. That's what your last line conveyed to me.
Reply to this
Thank you, Tara! You have a way with words.
I very much appreciate your knowledgeable feedback and affirmation.
Reply to this
Love the relation of the title to the conquistadors to the bombing of Japan--all rapes in the true sense of the word.
This gave me shivers:
"Defile our trust and defame the
Name of God in the name of God"
I think that this one is the most powerful of the three, even to someone that doesn't know your history.
Reply to this
Thank you, Rebekah. This was the hardest one to write of the three. The other two came out fairly effortlessly - but this one, as I wrote above, took many years to reach this point.
I very much appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts on these.
Peace and gratitude....
Reply to this