Foggerel
Found this going through my old journals... written in early 1994, at least a decade before I was known as Jesus Crisis, while I lived in a two-man cell at Lorain Correctional Institution, not long after my transfer from the county jail. Like any poem, it can be "improved." But Ferlinghetti admonished the artist against "paring his fingernails, refining himself out of existence." And I use his words as an excuse to offer this oldie to you with hardly any revision.
A fog is upon us
I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes
Night has fallen
I can't see the truth through these tears I disguise
Sing me lighter
Soothe my aching head
Touch this hem
Help me break like bread
A fog is upon us
The words I speak are of flesh and thorns and mud
Right has fallen
And I can't taste the wafer for all this blood
Put on a happy face! (JC and Mom)
[in the Marion Correctional Institution visiting room, c. 1994-1995]
A fog is upon us
I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes
Night has fallen
I can't see the truth through these tears I disguise
Sing me lighter
Soothe my aching head
Touch this hem
Help me break like bread
A fog is upon us
The words I speak are of flesh and thorns and mud
Right has fallen
And I can't taste the wafer for all this blood
Put on a happy face! (JC and Mom)
[in the Marion Correctional Institution visiting room, c. 1994-1995]
i like this. for some reason it reads to me like a prequel to "at mass".
of course now i'm going to ask you to define "hardly any revision".
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Thanks, Meribeth! This came from a notebook I'd entitled Bitter Years Past Christ, which was actually a phrase I'd lifted from Odysseas Elytis' poem "Ode to Picasso" (1948). For context's sake, this was written right around the time I'd learned about Kurt Cobain's suicide (there's a poem responding to that in the same notebook).
Before "hardly any revision," it read:
A fog is upon us
I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes
The night has fallen
I can't see the truth through these tears of disguise
Sing to me
Soothe my ache
Touch the hem
Help me break
A fog is upon us
The words I speak are of flesh and thorns and mud
The night has fallen
And I can't taste the wafer for all this blood
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i think i like the before version better that the after.
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Interesting... did I refine the best part of it out of existence?
What makes the original better?
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hmmm... did you add more to this comment at a later time? when i first read it, it just said "interesting..."
i've just looked at both of them side by side. the 2nd stanza is what what i like best about the original version, but now that i'm looking at it again, i think it is because i love the line "sing to me". it is more personal to me than "lighten me", but the rest of that stanza flows more smoothly with the revision.
i think singing to you, for you, is more
personal because i can see it as one of the best ways to "lighten you".
in the third stanza, i think that "right has fallen" makes more sense because of your situation at the time. "the night has fallen" works well with the line "I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes", but doesn't convey the same meaning.
my own thoughts are a merge of both versions.
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I do add to comments occasionally, if I was in a rush the first time and thought my original comment unsatisfactory. I should probably just post a new comment instead of doing that, so folks who subscribe to the comments will know I've added something. Guess I didn't think of that before....
Maybe I should have made it "Sing me lighter." Hmm....
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whew! at least i know i'm not going crazier...
"sing me lighter"?
i like that best of all.
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lol... sorry...
Thanks! I wonder who will notice if I go in and change it.
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you mean notice it like i just did?
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Yes...
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http://crisisblog.crisischronicles.com/2008/05/13/at-mass-before-it-was-oppressed.aspx
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I really like that JC!
My Favorite lines are...
"I can't see the truth through these tears I disguise"
"And I can't taste the wafer for all this blood"
I think you need to sit down & put all your work in a book & send them off to be published!!! I think your writing & life story could touch the hearts of many! I know it gets my mind thinking in many areas that otherwise maybe left in zombie state filled with nothing more but static of the world.
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Thank you, Angela! I think my favorite line is the last.
Maybe one day I'll publish it all. The writing often seems uninspired - but that makes sense, I suppose, because back then I was inspired by very little. Taken as a whole, my letters and journals at least tell the tale fairly well.
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having been in jail, i recognize your sadness.
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This poem brings again that tightness in my chest and tears start realizing how it was, that god awful fog of darkness that surrounded you. Bring this to light and let everyone know what innocence without justice does to a sensitive and loving human being.
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Thank you, Elena.
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I can imagine, Smith.
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I guess I like both versions .. but like what I would call the "progressed" version better. It's only slightly changed but seems to flow better. My favorite line in both is "I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes"...
The symbolism of sun and moon having particular meaning for me...
I am intrigued that it has a strong christian imprint to it... was this written during the time when you were embracing more christian ideas in prison.. or where the ideas there because of "where you were" so to speak...at the time ... just wondering..
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I was "divorced" from traditional Christian ideas (except perhaps the most Christian ideas, love and kindness) at the time, or at least I thought. I pretty much considered myself an atheist then... and it would be a few years before I began to see value in much of Christianity again. At this point my experience with Christianity had been largely limited to Southern Baptists and Jehovah's Witnesses - and so I saw it as quite unjustly judgmental, an attitude I associated somewhat with the jurors who found me guilty when I was not.
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I like parts of both versions. I love the line, "and I can't taste the wafer for all this blood". In the second one I like, "sing to me, soothe my ache". They are both moving.
What you went though is incomprehensible for most people, but those of us who know you personally or through your writing do feel an overwhelming sadness when thinking that such a thing could happen to someone so tender,kindly and so very tactful.
I would be interested in reading the poem responding to Curt Cobain's suicide as well.
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Your story and your writings and poetry must be published, if for no other reason than to let others know who are in the same condition how to survive and live and love again. I still wonder what indelible marks it left on you that can't be erased. You have and had a spirit that could not be broken. Remember you are you but with your circumstances. That is one thing I wrote to you in my first letter to you.
So the inner John is what counts and it will always be what you really are! This they cannot take away from you. It is your real freedom...Hugs!!
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Thank you, Susan! I had mixed feeling about the revisions - the main thing I hope I accomplished with them is to spread the light and communion metaphors through the poem more, instead of confining the former to the first stanza and the latter to the last stanza. This way they mingle in the second.
But part of me likes the unrevised version because it more boldly changes rhythm in the second stanza, before returning somewhat to the original in the third.
I will likely post the Cobain poem soon. I almost posted it instead of this one.
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can't see the forest for the trees
the shame for the blame
the scam for the man
the vehicle less the ego
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Excellent response, Lady!
Thank you....
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I have always fancied myself more of an editor than a writer. I think I missed a calling. It has occured to me that you have more than one book in the works. One of your poetry, one of your philosophy, one about surviving injustice, and one about your day to day experiences. I would reccomend that you start sorting, if you haven't already. I am very much looking forward to your being published.
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Thank you, Tara!
I am definitely working on the sorting - no way to put everything in one book.
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forgot you wrote this.. how come you don't resuscitate it for readings? it's a nice piece....
Looking through your stuff for the Ministers contest... gives me a chance to read your older pieces again..
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I believe I read this at the first Lix and Kix in October, in response to one of Danilee's theologically-inspired poems - don't believe I've read it in public anywhere else.
Like I said in response to your comment on another poem, I didn't even realize the Minister was having a contest - still need to log in to MySpace and check it out. My my online time is sporadic today with the grandkids here.
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