At Mass for the Last Time
You've heard me quote Paul Valéry before: "A poem is never finished; it is only abandoned." I've blogged two previous versions of the following poem so far: 1997's at mass and 1998's Oppressed. The former didn't seem as finished as the latter. But I missed certain elements of the former, longer version.
So... here's 2008's "final answer," which will be published in my forthcoming chapbook, Bloggerel (for the record, 1998's Oppressed will be there as well). And I hereby abandon any further revision of this poem... at least for another decade or so.
At Mass
The night seems bright
Its moon drips upon us
Down on us
Like Chinese water torture
The day seems dark
Seething
Stark
And our son
The sun of some god
Shines upon us
Down on us
Condescending
Unapprehending
Like the third degree
If we must be cannibals
Let us eat
With relish
Catch up
Must turd
The other eleven
And a drop
Or twelve
Of that torturous
Yet tantalizing
Wannabe Chinese moonshine
God is grate
A grape ape
Swilling fine whine
Like his un-
Herd of swine
A slave like one of us
Slave of all of us
And who is greater
Than his creator?
Knot us
Naught God
So... here's 2008's "final answer," which will be published in my forthcoming chapbook, Bloggerel (for the record, 1998's Oppressed will be there as well). And I hereby abandon any further revision of this poem... at least for another decade or so.
At Mass
The night seems bright
Its moon drips upon us
Down on us
Like Chinese water torture
The day seems dark
Seething
Stark
And our son
The sun of some god
Shines upon us
Down on us
Condescending
Unapprehending
Like the third degree
If we must be cannibals
Let us eat
With relish
Catch up
Must turd
The other eleven
And a drop
Or twelve
Of that torturous
Yet tantalizing
Wannabe Chinese moonshine
God is grate
A grape ape
Swilling fine whine
Like his un-
Herd of swine
A slave like one of us
Slave of all of us
And who is greater
Than his creator?
Knot us
Naught God
Posted by Jesus Crisis at 6/26/2008 4:43 PM 
Categories: Religion and Philosophy, Prison, Poetry by JC
Categories: Religion and Philosophy, Prison, Poetry by JC
i have voted and seen results and will comment soonish.
for now, know i love it
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john, i really love this. it's got all the elements in it that made me love "oppressed" and has much better word play than the original "at mass" does.
i feel as if i'm seeing a smith influence here.
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Thank you, Meribeth! I feel the same on all counts. Now this poem finally feels "good enough" for me. So does the "Oppressed" version. The original long "at mass" version did not.
I had mentally discarded that long version - but Smith's comment that he liked it better than "Oppressed" (with which I'm not at all dissatisfied) made me give it a second look. A couple of things in it felt awkward or prosaic - and it desperately needed a stronger ending. I thought it could be as good as "Oppressed," though - and finally yesterday evening I made myself sit and meditate on it and "finish" it - or at least more perfectly express what I was trying to get at in 1997. Then, I had implied "not us, not God" - at least in my mind - but looking at the old version now, I felt my implication was muddled and most readers wouldn't have gotten it.
If not for Smith's remark, this poem would not have been "finished."
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this ending is much stronger, and might be my favorite part.
i had forgotten about smith liking the longer version until the comments today. i'm glad his original comment made you go back and redefine what you were trying to express.
is this one of the poems you're going to read tonight?
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I think I will read it - will give me an idea of how well I can convey the puns to the audience without detracting from the flow of the poem. Might also do "Allen Ginsberg" if the crowd is right - since I've only been able to do it once in four readings so far.... If I can read four, I'll do "Cage" and "Rapists," too - or maybe "Gas Hike Coup" (gotta get mileage out of it before Bush leaves office... lol).
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maybe it'll be an audience made up of hybrids and gas will go farther.
why did i just get an image of you driving around reciting it and making it work?
hmmm... i just said "oppressed" aloud and found myself moving my head in the direction the lines go visually. that was interesting.
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lol... cool!
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The moon takes first prize. All the silvery death dealing, tide making and pull on women and men overtake the mass.
Time stops, and as I mentioned before the symbolism of the wafer (body) and the wine (blood) of Christ always remind me of the Aztec ritual of tearing out the hearts and offering the body and the blood to the Sun God. Also they sacrificed prisoners but not their own people. I wonder about a lot of humanity and religious belief when I think of ritual in an anthropological
sense. The religions of the world have too much sacrifice in the name of their gods. We have too much sacrifice in the name of war, and it is not getting better than it was in Greco-Roman times. Just the power, (please) has been called democracy. B.S. Look at the economy stupid and see what Obama and Clinton have spent. Just a little bit? Lots and lots and nothing gets any better for anyone. I heard today that if Obama wins Bush will invade Iran. OH SHIT.
My disgust will only be alleviated by some kind of hope.
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Thanks, Elena!
"The Moon takes first prize"
And I can't see the sun for the moon in my eyes
Your first sentence and my line from Foggerel could be the start of a whole new poem.
But I suppose, in all truth, that any light we receive from the moon is reflected sunlight. So when the moon's in our eyes, we're seeing the sun - though we don't always recognize it as such.
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Yes.. I like this one too. I like the double use of words the sound alikes used for something else.. Very good expression of double meaning... like it...lots.
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Thank you very much, Chris!
And congratulations on reading at the open mic last night. Wish we had video....
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I had thought this reminded me of another poem you had posted but I couldn't find it when I went back to look. I think I do like this version better... the intent is clearer. MB.. is right she is a good person to get feedback from.. you should be poetry partners... you think alike.
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i have been immersed in poetry for a long time. This latest version is more visual and more punning that the others. I like the double meanings. I hope they come across when your audience has only your voice and no text. I guess this could work but take the last two lines with knot and naught. I am interested in translations and I wonder if this could be translated into French or Spanish? This reminds me of a joke of yore. Remember the hymn "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear?" One little kid wondered why they were singing about a bear who was cross-eyed named Gladly. Eye am sure you understand the problem of pronunciation versus spelling in English. Anyway I hope your open mic reading went well. Let us all know..
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This was fun - particularly like the puns with sun & son. I miss concrete poetry of the moon dripping in an older version of this poem.
Wonder if you've heard of the master of a slave being a slave to his ownership...
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The poem says a lot. I have to apologize for my rambling last night but when I wrote my comment the creek in back had flooded the entire back yard and today I have a dreadful mess to clean up out there and my ten fish are nowhere to be seen although the pond waterfall is still running. I did write another blog so check out Roditi's cat poem. Also a lot of play on words.
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No need to apologize... lots of good stuff in your comment. I apologize for not getting to everyone's comments until now. So much to do and so little time.... But it sounds like you have a worse mess there. Sorry about your fish... and I look forward to checking out your blog.
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Thank you so much, Kathy!
This version makes the long version Smith liked worthier of publication, I think. It feels complete to me now - especially since I improved the ending and tweaked a few other items. His liking the long one inspired me to revisit and strengthen it. But the shorter, concrete, dripping "Oppressed" version you liked has always felt strong and complete to me. Now I feel I've got two good poems - like twins from the same egg. The one you like seems more perfect on paper - but I think this new version has potential to be more effective in a live reading. And I'm working on creative ways to convey the puns (like "son," "sun," "grate," and "whine") so the audience will "get" them.
I hadn't really heard of the "master" being a slave to his "ownership" - but that makes a lot of sense to me. In some ways, I think we're all masters and all slaves - and so are the gods we're created in our own images. Perhaps the more one is a master, the more one is a slave. The President comes to mind.
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like the bouncing word play and sway.
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Thank you, Smith!
As I said somewhat in earlier comments, if not for you this final version would not exist. I had given up on the long poem, since I wasn't satisfied with it and I had already gotten a decent poem (the shorter dripping one Lady liked) out of it. But you saw value in it, which in turn got me to seeing value in it again and led to the inspiration necessary to complete it. Much obliged, my friend....
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This is poetry for the eyes, not the ears.
You need to be able to read the spelling to enjoy the play.
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I appreciate your feedback, Jens. Last night I was able to convey some of the puns live - others not as well. Part of the problem was that in this particular venue not all the audience members could actually see the reader - and I used a combination of gestures, vocal cues and even (in the case of the last two lines) spelling out Knot and Naught before saying them. It seemed well-received - but I think I might hand out copies next time I read, so folks can get the full effect.
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To read is not to listen. Some puns are "punny" but others can be misunderstood.
"The secret of a man who is universally interesting is that he is universally interested." William Dean Howells, American author 1837-1920
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Thanks, Elena!
Perhaps it is best to read and listen. Somebody famous said we're better off striving not to be misunderstood, rather than striving to be understood. In some cases perhaps.... But I think that if we're not understood, we are misunderstood.
I love the Howells quotation. I've only read one book by him, The Rise of Silas Lapham, which was assigned for an American Literature from 1800 to 1900 course I took with Dr. Barry Roth from Ohio University. Excellent novel... I think of it as a stepping stone between the work of Henry James and Upton Sinclair. Before that course, I'd never heard of Howells.
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P.S. While looking for the exact quotation I mentioned above regarding being understood/misunderstood, I stumbled upon another good one I'd regrettably forgotten. In November 2006, I copied these words from The Madman by Kahlil Gibran into my notebook:
"And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us."
Mad or brilliant?
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i vote both.
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Strangely enough I could turn Kahlil Gibran's madness into just the opposite.
I have found freedom and safety in my sanity. The freedom of not being lonely and the safety of being understood for being understood means we are not enslaved by others. So madness is a curse in my book, and poetry has to be understood or not cared about nor loved.
Maribeth, what do you mean I vote both?
Both what? Mad? Brilliant? or neither?
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Love all the word play in this...and please don't take this the wrong way, because I'm not trying to be cheeky, but that third stanza made me want to get a hot dog with all the good stuff on it...and I'm a vegetarian! But seriously, the word play is awesome.! I would love to hear it read out loud.
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LOL... thanks, Susan! That might be the highest hot-diggity-dog praise a poem of mine has ever received.
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In this poem I sense a feeling of deprivation and comparing it with the originals of the "At Mass" and "Oppressed" written at Christmas time and being fed the Catholic wafer it was like being given the third degree while suffering the torture of moonlight seen through the bars...an unending loss of freedom, captive without anything to alleviate the false god-like atmosphere of a service, totally alone without friends or family. You end the revision with a negation and nothingness in a frame of mind reminding one of slavery and captivity. This is what I feel about this poem and the play on words then makes a world of sense and it spells out a great lack and loneliness
that only the deprivation of human warmth and love creates where there shouldn't be cannibalism or eating of the symbolic flesh of one's creator. Adding mustard, relish and catsup to this holy ritual shows a disgust for the
pagan holiday and the inherent dislike of the birth of the son (sun) is very clever and as I said before the moonlight is death dealing. It tortures and drips down on the unhappiness of the moment. This is my personal feeling on
reading these poems.
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I was actually looking for this resource for a few weeks. Thanks for sharing with us.
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