Providentially Hindered? (with Ahem)
I was known as an über-Christian "preacher boy" during my mid-high school years, and I attended Chestnut Ridge Baptist Church religiously. They would have these periodic (I believe they were annual) fund drives, when our pastor would encourage congregants to make a pledge to donate a certain amount of cash to the Church each month. I found it curious that this was even necessary, though I hadn't yet heard Bono's acidic assertion in Rattle and Hum that "The God I believe in isn't short of cash, Mister!"
I bring this up because today as I was trying to write a blog about last Thursday's festivities at the Literary Cafe, my computer kept freezing up while I tried to upload the ninety-some photos I took at that event. And each time, it took me about an hour to unfreeze, reboot and get the upload going again. This reminded me of those Chestnut Ridge pledge slips that read "I promise to give $_____ to my church each month for one year unless Providentially hindered" [italics added]. Throughout the year, this italicized clause gave folks a perfect opportunity to make the preacher happy and yet get out of honoring their pledges. "The car broke down this month, and I had to get it fixed (i.e., I was Providentially hindered)." "My tax bill from the IRS was higher than expected (i.e., I was Providentially hindered)." "Gas prices have doubled since the President God chose was elected...." You get the idea. It was all God's (or the Devil's or Fate's) fault.
Well, today I'm feeling a bit "Providentially hindered" from completing that Lit blog. Never fear, I will post it, more than likely tomorrow - and it will be worth the wait (or I'll refund your cost of admission). But for now I'm amused by how people are either wired or trained to blame just about everything on God or the Devil or Fate or Providence or George Bush or the liberals or "the powers that be" (whoever they happen to be today or this year). Not to say the powers that be aren't responsible for a whole lot of shit in this world (they are). But isn't it possible that sometimes SHIT simply HAPPENS and no one in particular is to blame? And maybe, just maybe, sometimes we ourselves are to blame. Just saying....
Who's responsible for my upload issues? No one in particular, as far as I know.... In fact, now that I've begun this blog, the photos seem to have started uploading just fine. Hmmm.... There goes my first-response theory that "maybe I wasn't supposed to post that blog today." Supposed by whom, anyway?....
I know a few folks have been waiting patiently (or impatiently, as the case may be) for the blogs I promised covering the last three poetry readings I attended last week. I apologize for the delay, and I assure you it's not God's (or the Devil's or Fate's) fault. They will be posted by this weekend (unless my car breaks down, my tax bill from the IRS is higher than expected, or gas prices double... er, scratch that last one).
Meanwhile I leave you with this short poem I debuted at Friday's deep cleveland poetry event in Strongsville. It was inspired by two hymns I still recall vividly from my years at Chestnut Ridge Baptist Church: "Stand up, stand up for Jesus" and "To God be the glory, great things he hath done." Enjoy....
Ahem (a hymn)
Stand up, stand up for Jesus
While his father knees us in the nuts
Plugs us in our butts
Aims to please us or displease us, as the case may be
By leading us into paths of unrighteousness
For his name's sake
Never giving us a break
Teaching us to take more than we live
Die more than we give
It's the same stale story
We distribute his excrement
In this world gone grim
And attribute the government
Of this shit can to him
To God be the gory
Grating things he hath done
I bring this up because today as I was trying to write a blog about last Thursday's festivities at the Literary Cafe, my computer kept freezing up while I tried to upload the ninety-some photos I took at that event. And each time, it took me about an hour to unfreeze, reboot and get the upload going again. This reminded me of those Chestnut Ridge pledge slips that read "I promise to give $_____ to my church each month for one year unless Providentially hindered" [italics added]. Throughout the year, this italicized clause gave folks a perfect opportunity to make the preacher happy and yet get out of honoring their pledges. "The car broke down this month, and I had to get it fixed (i.e., I was Providentially hindered)." "My tax bill from the IRS was higher than expected (i.e., I was Providentially hindered)." "Gas prices have doubled since the President God chose was elected...." You get the idea. It was all God's (or the Devil's or Fate's) fault.
Well, today I'm feeling a bit "Providentially hindered" from completing that Lit blog. Never fear, I will post it, more than likely tomorrow - and it will be worth the wait (or I'll refund your cost of admission). But for now I'm amused by how people are either wired or trained to blame just about everything on God or the Devil or Fate or Providence or George Bush or the liberals or "the powers that be" (whoever they happen to be today or this year). Not to say the powers that be aren't responsible for a whole lot of shit in this world (they are). But isn't it possible that sometimes SHIT simply HAPPENS and no one in particular is to blame? And maybe, just maybe, sometimes we ourselves are to blame. Just saying....
Who's responsible for my upload issues? No one in particular, as far as I know.... In fact, now that I've begun this blog, the photos seem to have started uploading just fine. Hmmm.... There goes my first-response theory that "maybe I wasn't supposed to post that blog today." Supposed by whom, anyway?....
I know a few folks have been waiting patiently (or impatiently, as the case may be) for the blogs I promised covering the last three poetry readings I attended last week. I apologize for the delay, and I assure you it's not God's (or the Devil's or Fate's) fault. They will be posted by this weekend (unless my car breaks down, my tax bill from the IRS is higher than expected, or gas prices double... er, scratch that last one).
Meanwhile I leave you with this short poem I debuted at Friday's deep cleveland poetry event in Strongsville. It was inspired by two hymns I still recall vividly from my years at Chestnut Ridge Baptist Church: "Stand up, stand up for Jesus" and "To God be the glory, great things he hath done." Enjoy....
Ahem (a hymn)
Stand up, stand up for Jesus
While his father knees us in the nuts
Plugs us in our butts
Aims to please us or displease us, as the case may be
By leading us into paths of unrighteousness
For his name's sake
Never giving us a break
Teaching us to take more than we live
Die more than we give
It's the same stale story
We distribute his excrement
In this world gone grim
And attribute the government
Of this shit can to him
To God be the gory
Grating things he hath done
I'm scared to ask what an über-Christian is..... It sounds like a cross between Hermann Goering and Jerry Falwell.
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LOL... close... a person who calls himself a Christian but aims to be more "righteous" than everyone else.
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I can now hear your voice reading this poem in your funkie manner.
Jes got back home. Good to have visited, good to be back, good to be setting off on another adventure next week in search of mushrooms.
I anticipate reading your reading blogs.
Peace,
K
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Thank you, Lady! Glad to hear you're home safe and sound, glad to have had the chance to see you and Smith multiple times this past week, sorry to be missing out on the mushrooms.... We do have some canned 'shrooms in the cupboard, methinks. Not the same.... But now I'm hungry for pizza....
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Like it.... Haven't "heard" this one before. But like it.
If it is any consolation I had the same problem last week as I was uploading photos for an upcoming blog. I think between my computer freezing up and needing to be re-booted. It took me all of three hours to upload 6 photos... So my sympathies..
Can't wait to hear about the Lit reading... hope you have some juicy photos.. to post with the blog... LOL...
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Glad you like it, Chris!
I wanted to blame Tom for my upload problems, like I always did when I was blogging primarily on MySpace. Maybe I still can. Maybe Tom's boss Murdoch is trying to extinguish the competition... in the name of God, or Bush.
The hard part is deciding which photos to include. There were two feature readers and twenty-some open mic poets. To do it justice, I'd have to blog 50 photos, which would make it my most photo-intensive blog ever - and also make it hell to load on most folks' computers. Still need to blog the Strongsville and Brandt readings as well - but I don't want to do them out of Crisis Chronological order....
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Post it as a slide show.. that would take up less room... It will scroll through all the photos of everyone.
Just an idea...
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Good idea, Chris! I already posted the blog before I noticed your comment. But I'll probably do that at some point with a future reading and see how it goes.
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My computer was freezing up too. It's frustrating and yeah, the way I figure, Satan was behind it... Seriously though, I hope tomorrow's a better day.
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Could it be... SATAN?
Thanks, Terese!
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Well, my lord Crisis! The Minister doesn't quite know where to start, with his comments on this blog! Let's just make it clear, shall we, that the Church of Crisis owes no allegiance to any god or devil... just to you, o holy one, LOL! Will have to say that it does sound like the universe was trying to slow you down a bit... but for what reason, only the universe knows. Perhaps so you would share this..."ahem"... thought-provoking and intense poem with us! Love the title, by the way....
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LOL... I think the "Lord Crisis" has caught you with your rectory showing Mr. Minister.. LOL...
I don't think it was in anyway aimed at your ministry...
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I guess of the seven cardinal sins they didn't include hypocrisy or should we call it hippy crazy? Everyone say, "Ahem" please. lol
Did you get the claps for reading this in your funkie voice? I am really highly amused by the fecal references in regard to the deity that is supposed to bless our government. As a PK when I was a teen I understand your religiosity at that tender age. Your verse is very
playful in all its gory.
My favorite hymn of course is Gladly the Cross Eyed Bear.
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Thank you, Minister!
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well, i have a comment, but it's not ready yet.
that sounds weird.
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I look forward to your return
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the internet was so bad that eye went offline and almost lost a picture of Victoria Sinclair my new internet interest iff you have not seen the Naked News you must
You Must
non
eye am NOT worshipping her
its only 14 year old love a second childhood perhaps no comment on your poem its poetical non politacal liscences AMEN go for it its all fun
http://www.nakednews.com/
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eye just had to add this
you could make your own VERSION of the MARTIAN CHRONICLES
call it the BUSH CHRONICLES
by John Edgar Burroughs
sheeeeeeeesh eye could not resist
Edgar Rice Burroughs The Martian Chronicles 06 The Master Mind Of Mars torrent
Download Edgar Rice Burroughs The Martian Chronicles 06 The Master Mind Of Mars via bittorrent at onlytorrents.com in category Books! You can see detail of this Edgar Rice Burroughs The Martian Chronicles 06 The Master Mind Of Mars torrent here.
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lol... I love the idea of the Bush Chronicles... though it sounds like the title of a porn movie. Cleveland poet Mary Weems (who I will see next week) is writing the "Obama Chronicles," but....
Afraid to check out naked news, as enticing as it sounds... in fact, my wife just came in (from the other computer) and asked me if I've seen the naked news (she must be reading my blog... lol). I don't think she'd buy that I'm checking it out for the art of it - even though my main motivation would be sheer curiosity.
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you've never seen naked news?
wow. i thought the whole world had seen it by now.
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No... but I've seen naked gnus.
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oh BTW un jealous of your reading poetry there is only the beer bar in TUSCON and eye abstain eye would LOVE to read FLOWERS FADE at an OPEN MIKE
here is your NAKED GNUS
[IMG]http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc48/charlaxici/Thursday/NakedGnus.jpg[/IMG">http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc48/charlaxici/Thursday/NakedGnus.jpg[/IMG]
http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc48/charlaxici/Thursday/NakedGnus.jpg
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LOL... thanks!
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Poetical
Liscence Plate
AWARD
J.C.Crisus, late of Cleveland, O.
John Burroughs of Cleveland received the prestigious CharlaX AWARD for not ever having seen the NAKED NEWS and actually explaining a poem he read at a real time event KUDZU will engulf Cleveland now perhaps like the rich Republicans dew. Have fun with the new AWARD. The PRICE IS WRITE.
http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc48/charlaxici/FrYdaY/cooltext94281730.jpg
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poor little gnus running around all naked. don't they get cold?
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If they lived here in Ohio, they would!
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Well I guess If one believes they are God then yes God can be blamed hahahaha. But you are correct. Way to many look just to point fingers at someone or something to blame things on and the lucky one is God/god. God doesn't need money. God isn't interested in anything but spiritual matters. That's my take on it.
Great poem John.
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LOL... thank you very much, Shyloh!
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I can see eye to eye with Tara and her comments on Einstein and the victims of the Holocaust. Since I have been the daughter of a Protestant Chaplain who witnessed the atom bomb testing at Bikini Atoll, and was married to a Jew, converted to Judaism and then wrote a dissertation on the Spanish Inquisition I think I really do know, as Smith recounts, the real hypocrisy in our "God fearing" country and the fact that certain words are never to be uttered in public when they are sold in the very bookstore where the readings take place.
I love the plays on words that John gives his poetry, not just punning but most have hidden meanings. It is a real art.
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Thank you, Elena!
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I think that in trying to make sense of our world we give too much and too little credit to God. It's human nature to want an explanation for the things that happen. That is a good thing, becuase we gain knowledge. But it can lead us down a path of false logic finding reasons where there are none, or where there are other reasons that we fail to consider.
I have met a number of Holocaust survivors and I asked one of them if they thought that their will to live and tenacity got them through their ordeal and that is what helped them survive. They really do understand the randomness of life. Each one of them strongly asserts that there is no difference between a survivor and someone who didn't survive. There is no special talent, or quality that they can attribute to their survival or lack thereof that they can attribute to the deaths of the others. They say it is pure chance. They go on to say that it is certainly not destiny, as many wonderful people who would have made great contributions to the world perished.
One of the survivors that I was fortunate enough to meet is Clara Samuels. She wrote a book about her life called "God Does Play Dice. The Autobiography of a Holocaust Survivor" Her inspiration for the title was a quote by Albert Einstein who said "Quantum mechaincs is certainly imposing But an inner voice tells me that it is not the real thing. The theory says a lot, but does not really bring us any closer to the secret of the 'old one.' I, at any rate am convinced that He is not playing at dice" (Albert Einstein in a letter to physicist Max Born).
Mrs. Samuels responds by saying, "Einstein could not believe that chance or fortuitous events play such an important role in the universe.
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Hmmm... very interesting, Tara!
And your statement that "we give too much and too little credit to God" reminds me of Jesus' exhortation "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's."
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You got me thinking John. I never thought I believed in providential hinderance or that God spares some and lets others suffer. But I do believe in diverted tragedies which may be just as silly. Things like well, if I had left for work on time, I may have gotten into a terrible accident. Or all of those people who missed the tragic flights or didn't make it to work on 9/11. Those are probably coincidences also. Just goes to show that as much as a person may resist the idea of an ever-present divine intervention, it is a comforting thought and there is a drive to believe in it to one degree or another.
It is rather convenient to be "Providentially Hindered" and I'm sure that people took advantage of that. I've known people who have taken advantage of that. I tell them, pray, pray, pray, but use your oars to row to the shore. But I kind of like the Church's take on the donation process. Of course the Church needs money to function. Not as much money as Jimmy Swaggart needed, but it does need money. I am Catholic and because of our silly policy of not allowing priests and nuns to marry and having them take a vow of poverty, so we have to support them, and the building where we meet, and the Catholic Schools, etc. It's a great sales tool to ask people to make a financial commitment, and it's generous to allow them a break for hardiships. But I see where you take issue with the phrase "providentially hindered." Circumstances are hinderances, other people are hinderances, we hinder ourselves, but I don't think that it's in Gods plan to cause someone's car to break down. The Synagogue figures out it's yearly expenses and just sends everyone a bill once a year. I guess if you can't afford it you have to explain to them why. I can't see them kicking anyone out for not paying the bill, but they are very logical about it and make it very clear that this is how much it costs to make the organization run, along with it's schools and programs. Everyone who benefits is expected to support the cause. But if someone cannot meet their financial obligation because they just welcomed triplets, they just chalk it up to these things happen, not God makes these things happen.
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Thank you for sharing all this, Tara! You make some very good points and I appreciate you giving a more balanced, nuanced look at the whole donation and "Providentially hindered" business than I attempted to do.
Sorry I've taken a while responding to your comment... I've been so busy with the newer blog and some other stuff that I've only just now noticed what you wrote.
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hmmmmm, is "nuts" proper to say at deep cleveland? it always amuses me that deep cleveland worships da levy who was jailed for saying "fuck" in a poem, and borders bookstore where the deepcleveland reading is sells da levy saying "fuck" but poets cannot say "fuck" in a borders reading. hypocrisy anyone?
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I wondered if they'd have a problem with this poem. I did leave the vowel out of "shit," saying "shhhht." Honestly forgot "shit" was in there until I started reading it... though I wondered before I began whether they might not like the idea of God plugging someone in the butt.
After you'd just read how you learned to masturbate (out of Criminal) and got away with it there (because you avoided words like shit and fuck), I figured they couldn't say much about my nuts and butts.
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In defense of Deep Cleveland Poetry Hour, we (markk and I) completely respect the hypocritical irony of not being allowed to swear at a reading hosted by an entity (Deep Cleveland) more or less set up in the memory of d. a. levy. However, Borders gave us a home in the southwest side when no one else did, and that was over five years ago. My favorite event was when the art section was promoting Jenna Jameson's "How to Make Love Like a Pornstar" with STACKS of the large book behind the microphone. Anyone can browse Jenna Jameson's naked tits to their heart's content, but their ears will bleed with the obscenity of our poetry.
I also like to think of it this way--levy was arrested for reading a poem. At Borders, they're actually SCARED of what we might say! =) Maybe things are coming full circle, and poetry is getting dangerous again!
However, you're right--the rule is bullshit. I keep trying to find a good bar in Strongsville that would host us, but they're all to busy on Friday nights with classic rock tribute bands and 80's djs. As much as I truly believe poetry has the power to change the world, there are few forces on earth that can stop a 30-something in a miniskirt and fishnets with too much Aqua Net in her hair from reliving highschool to "Pour Some Sugar On Me".
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Josh, I very much appreciate you coming in and sharing this - and giving me a morning laugh.
By the way, I've acquired your book Deep Cleveland Lenten Blues and hope to begin reading it this week.
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Thanks, Will!
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~'YOUR OWN PERSONAL JESUS'~
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lol... "reach out and touch faith"
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Faith is within like the entheogenic mushrooms that Smith and Lady are looking for. I wonder about all the God-forsaken people who don't know about G within. We may need something more psychoactive than caffeine. Perhaps one can take up this matter with a shaman or even a taoist? Have you heard of SOMA?
It puts you on the road to immortality.
I must get some sleep to be ready for a big meeting tomorrow. Perhaps something wonderful will happen, perhaps not.
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I remember Soma from Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.
Good luck with your meeting!
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http://poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=806469&sitename=charlax&password=&poemoffset=0&displaypoem=t&item=poetry this is my little poem
http://www.huxley.net/bnw/index.html
this is the text to Brave New World
eye can relate to this better than the wierd picture LOZLX
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Any U2 reference automatically gets kudos from me
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Cool... I'm a HUGE U2 fan, so I'm sure there'll be more.
Thanks for stopping by, T.M.!
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