Incarceration Chronicles VI: 26 February 1994 (Day 10 at Lorain C.I.)
This comes straight from my prison diary, which was not originally intended for public consumption. I find it useful to post pages here on my blog, as your comments and questions help facilitate and catalyze my remembering and writing. Bear in mind that to save paper and time, I tended not to repeat in my diary things I had already written in letters (and I saved carbon copies of every letter I wrote). So a lot of things that aren't in the journal will be in my book.
First, here are links to previous installments, to provide a bit of context:
Part 1: 17-21 February 1994
Part 2: 21 February 1994 (continued)
Part 3: 22-23 February 1994
Part 4: 24 February 1994
Part 5: 25 February 1994
Now we resume where we left off:
Sat. 26 Feb. 1994
post 8 a.m.
I had a dream last night that I was in Roger Waters' front yard. Dave Gilmour lived across the street. Roger and I were talking. Dave's wife came over trying to coax Roger with sweet talk and a gift into coming to a party celebrating the new Pink Floyd album, which Roger had no part in. We walked away from her in disgust. Roger began singing the lyrics to an unrecorded song he had just written. It was some of his best work (which is saying a mouthful). I kept bugging him by screaming out such things as "David Gilmour is a dick." I knew I was being rude. And I was really into what Roger was singing, but I had no control over my voice. I knew he was irritated with me, but he said nothing and kept on singing. I wish I could remember the words. I know it began with "Stay off of my sidewalk" or something like that. I was thrilled to meet him and tried too hard to make a good impression.
* * *
post 9 a.m.
Summer
and I wonder
Summer
rain and thunder
Summer
please tell me why
Summer
you had to die
* * *
11:30 a.m.
I finished Pam's letter. We got another free envelope each; I'll mail Pam's in it. Everyone else must wait.
I'm also continuing in Bhagavad-gita. It is much different without Prabhupada's comments. Now I see more greatness in the book. ISKCON spoiled it by accenting bull-shit and limiting application. Some of the information Prabhupada gave helped my understanding; but most of it alternately complicated and over-simplified the Gita.
* * *
"One who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction, is intelligent among men." (attributed to Krishna, Bhagavad-gita 4:18)
"...if one is able to tolerate the urges of the material senses and check the force of desire and anger, he is a yogi and is happy in this world." (attributed to Krishna, Bhagavad-gita 5:23)
* * *
Bhagavad-gita as it is ... is better than Bhagavad-gita As It Is.
* * *
2:50 p.m.
The inmates downstairs are using the telephones now. Hopefully, those of us upstairs will get to this evening.
* * *
post 3 p.m.
I've only flown in two airplanes in my life. My first flight was from Cleveland to Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The next was from Winston-Salem to Columbia, South Carolina. The first went amazingly well. Near the end of the second, I had to use a barf-bag. My nerves finally caught up with me, I guess, from leaving home for the first time and entering the Marine Corps.
* * *
8 p.m.
I just finished talking to Mom. She said Pam was there earlier, but went home because Mom wasn't there yet. She had Ben send me a money order, but he didn't put her name and address on it. I hope they accept it here. I hope I can reach Pam at Mom's tomorrow.
[I didn't write as much this day as I did on some previous days because I ran out of paper.]
Pam??? I have a lot of questions about Pam and what happened to you and her daughter.
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Keep reading...
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Read this but will comment later.
I have lots of questions too.. but will be polite enough to ask them privately at another time...
You have interesting dreams...
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Interesting that I rarely remember my dreams when I wake up nowadays. It probably has to do with the fact that I never get enough sleep. I always remember more dreams when I sleep well.
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So I wonder what is the gist of the Bhagavad Gita?
I had the Oxford Annotated Bible at one time - took me forever just to get through Genesis. I still haven't read all of the Bible.
Reading holy books with the intent of absorbing and understanding takes a tremendous amount of effort.
I wonder if it would be at all possible for me to write without a laptop. They probably don't allow computers in prison, no? If they did, I might like it.
Could you order books from a library system?
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The phrase Bhagavad-gita literally means "Song of God," and Krishna is the incarnation of "God" in its story. I haven't read it in at least a decade; but from this distance, I would summarize the gist in this way: "Be who you were born to be, fulfil your duty, do not fear death, and in this way be demonstrate your oneness with God."
I have a hard time mustering the effort to read/study "holy" books anymore - I go back and forth between periods of great interest in them and of little interest in them. Right now I'm in one of those ebb tides. I guess you could say poetry is my scripture right now, for better and worse.
When I made it to my parent institution in Marion a few months after this was written, I was able to order books from the Cleveland Public Library system and others (like Mansfield) for several years. However, somewhere around 2000, in the midst of Governor Taft's state of Ohio budget cuts, they got the bright idea to discontinue our inter-library loan program so they wouldn't have to pay for postage. Never mind that Cleveland PL was paying to send us the books and the profits from our commissary more than covered the 30 bucks or so our prison library paid to send the books back (not that many inmates took advantage of the program). They attempted to console us by letting us borrow materials from the State Library in Columbus instead (that way, they could transport books themselves when they transferred inmates). But the State Library had almost nothing of interest available (despite my rather broad interests).
Most inmates had no access to computers in prison. We couldn't possess our own. And the few of us who did have computer access were generally only permitted to use it to carry out our prison jobs (get caught writing a poem or letter on it and you're going to the hole and losing your cushy job). Beginning in 2000, I was able to get permission to use a prison library work computer to write a few of the Ministry of Theatre plays I produced. But I had to get permission from the warden, approval from her bosses in Columbus - and they only granted it when I told them there was no way I could or would write another play without it - and they were desperate for another play after the previous ones' success had gotten them lots of good publicity.
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Thanks for the more here...I like the extra details...
it's interesting to know how the machinations of local or state government work... or don't work as the case may be.
And I can imagine reading scripture if that's all you had could be interesting if you need it to be.
I think I've had times when spiritual texts have had more appeal too.. I think sometimes life circumstances propel you in that direction for a time when a need arises.. whether it's to meet challenges or for purposes of self-discovery but unless your a mendicant the sustained effort is hard to keep.. so it goes in phases.
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"poetry is my scripture"
I like the way this sounds... This is going into my mental encyclopedia of things worth quoting.
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Thank you, VX!
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Eye was guilty of the crime eye did the time the most eye ever did at once was 37 days in a row for breaking a pay phone receiver eye am homeless as you knoe they people eye was asking help from got very rude and eye lost my anger and slammed the receiver and the police came and got me with GUNS drawn like eye was John Dillanger HA HA The Judge was lenient only after eye served most of them days He said this man is not a felon he has been in this Jail too long
it was a Class A Felony they were pushing it and he REDUCED this HORRENDOUS crime to a MISSdeameanor. They took YEARS of time from YOU and you will have them all again LONG LIFE TO YOU and prosper (They released me eye asked a PHONE COMPANY REPRESENTATIVE about the pay phone SHE said they replaced the Receiver on the Phone for a COST of about $14.00.) They make them out of plastic now and generic replacement parts. HAVE A GREATER DAY JC.
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Thanks, Charles. I'm glad you didn't end up getting convicted of a felony for such a relatively minor offense.
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I've been cheating. I'm reading all of your entries, but I got a little burned out from this very emotional election, so I haven't been commenting, although I'm enjoying everyone else's comments.
It's always a privilege when a person has unusual, extraordinary experiences and chooses to share them with the world. Your life so far has been interesting to say the least. I will never look at a pen, a pencil or a piece of paper the same way again. I buy computer paper by the case and I never appreciated what a blessing it is to have an unlimited supply.
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Thanks, Tara!
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