October Monday - a short story
[Digging through my prison journals, I found quite a few fictional stories I'd written and completely forgotten. For curiosity's sake, here's one I wrote in the county jail, only about two and a half months into my eleven year incarceration. It is dated 5 December 1993 and takes up handwritten pages 164 through 172 of what are now known as my Incarceration Chronicles. I find it amusing today that back then I used to include copyright notices on everything I wrote, including my journals. One note I'd like to make about the county jail at that time: Mom and my girlfriend were permitted to regularly drop off paper, envelopes and stamps for me. After my transfer to Lorain Correctional Institution in early 1994, I would no longer be allowed to receive such gifts, and so I became a bit less prolific there, for better or worse. I present the following short story unedited, more as a historic relic than as literature.]
October Monday
(c) 1993 John Brian M.H. Burroughs
It was a cold, damp October afternoon. The few old shops that remained on Broad Street since the big Mall was built on the outskirts of town were just being cleaned up and closed. It was five o'clock.
Len had just made it to the cobbler's in time. He strolled down Broad Street wearing a long, gray-black cloth coat buttoned all the way up to the collar and carrying under his left arm the package that contained his newly-heeled dress boots. He was about thirty years old, with jet black hair which was close cut on the sides and back and fuller on top. He was well-groomed, with short sideburns and a goatee. The wind toyed with a stray lock on his forehead.
Oblivious to all the hustle and bustle around him, he passed City Hall, crossed at the crosswalk, and stepped into the the first bar he came to, The Wet Whistle. There were three working stiffs on stools at the far end of the bar by the idle pool table, two nursing cans of beer and the third a glass. An elderly man and woman sat at a square table by the wall on the right. The bar was on the left and Len took the second stool from the front door, setting his package next to him on the floor.
"What'll ya have?" asked a deep, abrasive voice from behind the bar.
"Scotch and soda," said Len.
"What kinda Scotch ya like?"
"Johnny Walker red."
"Don't have it. Sorry. We got Dewar's, J.B. and the well Scotch.
"No Johnny, eh?"
"Nope. Sorry." The bartender was friendly enough, but he looked and sounded like a grizzly bear would if grizzly bears tended bar and talked. He was quite plump, and his face was all beard, except for a little nose and big brown eyes. And he wore a baseball cap with a picture of a pick-up on it. Under the truck it said, "Ride This." He grinned, and his teeth became visible through his thick beard.
"Well... Dewar's, I guess," said Len.
"Awright."
When he brought over Len's drink, he set it on the dark, wooden bar without a napkin. "Two dollars."
Len gave him three and said, "Keep it."
"Thank ya."
The bartender went to the other end and joined the three working stiffs in their conversation. Len could see them talking, but couldn't hear them with the jukebox playing; and he wondered if their caps were the same as the bartender's and whether it was true that wearing hats all the time contributed to premature hair loss. He never wore a hat.
He finished his drink and before the empty glass was back on the bar, the grizzly was heading toward him. "Ready for another?" asked the bear.
"Maybe just one more," answered Len.
The bartender gave him another and got another dollar tip. "Thank ya," he said.
Thank you," said Len, then the man with the big beard nodded and returned to his friends.
Len tasted his drink. The first one was good, he thought, but this one was better — nice and strong. He took another drink, and this time he held it in his mouth about ten seconds before he swallowed. "Mmm," he said, then he noticed the jukebox had stopped playing.
He stood up and unbuttoned his coat. He saw a couple of jackets hanging on pegs by the door, so he took his coat off and put it with them. Then he picked up his drink and sauntered over to the jukebox. He had never heard of most of the songs on it. He put in four quarters for five selections, then punched in one song and went back to the barstool with his empty glass. The bartender was waiting for him.
"Like another?"
"What the hell."
"That's the spirit"
"Make it a double."
"Awright," said the grizzly. He grinned again. "From outa town? I ain't seen ya before... I don't think."
"No. I'm a native. I just don't go to bars much. The last time I was here, it was called Tim's Place."
"Man! That was a good fifteen years ago at least. Here ya go. Four dollars."
Len handed him a twenty. "Sixteen years today. That's how long it's been since I had a drink."
"Ya don't say. Sixteen is your change."
"Keep one for yourself."
"Thank ya."
"Thank you."
"If ya don't mind me askin', what's the big occasion?"
"It's my sixteenth wedding anniversary."
"That so? Congratulations. Wife don't like ya to drink?"
"Len downed his drink and pointed at the glass. The grizzly made him another without a word.
"I guess you could say that," Len finally said.
"If ya don't mind me askin', where is the little woman?"
After a moment of hesitation, he replied, "She passed away yesterday."
"Sorry. How'd it happen?"
"I don't feel like talking about it."
"Sorry. Let me know if ya need anything."
The grizzly turned and started toward the other end of the bar. "See ya'll later! he yelled to the elderly couple, who were leaving.
"Bye, Bob!" returned the man.
The bartender waited on his three friends and began conversing with them again.
Len took a sip of his drink. Damn, he thought, that's about all Scotch. He was feeling light-headed now, but it was the best he'd felt in a long time. Now he wanted to talk about it, and the grizzly bear seemed as good a selection as anyone. "Bob!" he called.
The bartender returned to Len. He saw that the Scotch and soda was still about full. "What can I do for ya?" asked Bob.
"Do you wanna know why my wife died?"
"Ya feel like talkin' about it?"
"She killed herself. Sleeping pills."
"Sorry."
After several seconds of silence, Len said, "You forgot to charge me for this one."
"It's on the house."
"Thank you, Bob."
"Don't mention it."
Len took a sip. "You wanna know why my wife killed herself?
The bartender opened an icy bottle of beer and took a long drink.
"Love," Len said.
"Oh?"
"Yes indeed. Love. Romantic, eh? Except the love wasn't for me, but my best friend Carlton."
"Sorry."
"She loved me, but not like she loved him." He continued, "But she couldn't leave me. She didn't want to hurt me, she said."
"She told ya about it?"
"In her note," said Len. "She didn't want to dishonor me, she said, so she didn't let anyone know. She even told Carlton she loved me and not him. But she didn't want to live without him and she couldn't leave me. She didn't want to hurt me? What the hell does she think she did?" Len sucked down his drink. "Another double, please."
"Are ya sure?"
Len nodded and Bob fixed one more Scotch and soda. Len paid for it, while a young woman walked in the door. She took a stool four down from his.
"What'll ya have, Steph?" Bob asked and grinned.
"Hi, Bob! Uh... I guess I'll just have a Lite, please... with a glass.
"At yer service, Steph," said the bartender as he took a can of beer out of the cooler. Then he opened it, poured half of it in a tall glass and set both before her. "A dollar forty."
"Here you are," said the girl as she handed Bob a dollar bill and counted four dimes into his hand.
Len had been watching her. She had sholder length blonde hair, full of body, and deep, sparkling blue eyes. She took off her jacket, laid it out on the stool and sat on it. She had a slight tan and wore no make-up. She didn't need any. Her lips were round and full, and she wore a plain but pretty navy blue dress with big white buttons.
While Len was watching her sip her beer, grizzly Bob finished his and waited on two of the working stiffs. The one who was drinking out of a glass grabbed his jacket from one of the pegs by the door and left with a wave of his hand over his head. Bob and the others waved back from the end of the bar.
Len finished his drink off, then stood up. Whoosh! Suddenly the liquor hit him twice as hard. He considered sitting back down, then got himself together and went back to his original plan. He walked past the girl. She looked at him and he nodded his head. He passed the two stiffs in baseball caps. No, he thought, theirs are different from Bob's. Then he went by the pool table and into the men's room.
After he urinated, he went to the sink. He put his hands on the counter and rested his weight on them, while he looked into his eyes in the mirror. Damn!" he said to himself, "I am lit!" Then he washed his hands, spalshed water on his face and dried with a couple of paper towels. He looked at his eyes again. "That's better." He remembered that he had forgotten to flush the toilet and did so. Then he went out and back to his stool. The two men were gone and Joe was talking to the girl. She didn't look at Len when he went by this time.
A fresh drink was already at his spot when he sat down. "Joe!" he interrupted, "how much do I owe you?"
"Nothin'. It's on her."
Len looked at Steph and said, "Thanks."
She gave Len a kind glance, then took another sip from her glass. Bob opened another for himself and drank half of it at once.
After a little while, Bob said, "Mondays are always slow, but this is worse than reg'lar. Not that I don't like yer company, but I think I'll close up early and spend some time with the wife this evenin'." He gave another toothy grin, then emptied his bottle. "But ya can have one more if ya wanna."
"Uh... thanks, Bob," the girl said and finished her beer, "but I'd better get going. I feel like a walk in the park. I love it after it rains.
"Awright, Steph," the grizzly said. "Ya want one more?" he asked Len, who had just sat down his empty glass.
"No, unless the lady would care for another."
"Well," she said, "maybe I'll have one... but I'm tired of beer. Give me a shot of cinnamon schnapps, please."
"The same for me, Bob," said Len, "and one for yourself if you like."
"Awright. Don't mind if I do." Bob set up three jigger glasses, grabbed a bottle from the shelf and poured the schnapps. It looked like blood in the dim light. Len paid for the shots and gave the bartender a dollar for himself. Then they all raised their glasses.
"If ya don't mind," said Bob, "I'd like to make a toast to my pretty Stephanie." He grinned through his beard.
"To your wife at home, Bob," she replied with a smile.
And for some time after they had gone their separate ways in the cold October air, the blood kept them feeling warm and alive.
-*-
October Monday
(c) 1993 John Brian M.H. Burroughs
It was a cold, damp October afternoon. The few old shops that remained on Broad Street since the big Mall was built on the outskirts of town were just being cleaned up and closed. It was five o'clock.
Len had just made it to the cobbler's in time. He strolled down Broad Street wearing a long, gray-black cloth coat buttoned all the way up to the collar and carrying under his left arm the package that contained his newly-heeled dress boots. He was about thirty years old, with jet black hair which was close cut on the sides and back and fuller on top. He was well-groomed, with short sideburns and a goatee. The wind toyed with a stray lock on his forehead.
Oblivious to all the hustle and bustle around him, he passed City Hall, crossed at the crosswalk, and stepped into the the first bar he came to, The Wet Whistle. There were three working stiffs on stools at the far end of the bar by the idle pool table, two nursing cans of beer and the third a glass. An elderly man and woman sat at a square table by the wall on the right. The bar was on the left and Len took the second stool from the front door, setting his package next to him on the floor.
"What'll ya have?" asked a deep, abrasive voice from behind the bar.
"Scotch and soda," said Len.
"What kinda Scotch ya like?"
"Johnny Walker red."
"Don't have it. Sorry. We got Dewar's, J.B. and the well Scotch.
"No Johnny, eh?"
"Nope. Sorry." The bartender was friendly enough, but he looked and sounded like a grizzly bear would if grizzly bears tended bar and talked. He was quite plump, and his face was all beard, except for a little nose and big brown eyes. And he wore a baseball cap with a picture of a pick-up on it. Under the truck it said, "Ride This." He grinned, and his teeth became visible through his thick beard.
"Well... Dewar's, I guess," said Len.
"Awright."
When he brought over Len's drink, he set it on the dark, wooden bar without a napkin. "Two dollars."
Len gave him three and said, "Keep it."
"Thank ya."
The bartender went to the other end and joined the three working stiffs in their conversation. Len could see them talking, but couldn't hear them with the jukebox playing; and he wondered if their caps were the same as the bartender's and whether it was true that wearing hats all the time contributed to premature hair loss. He never wore a hat.
He finished his drink and before the empty glass was back on the bar, the grizzly was heading toward him. "Ready for another?" asked the bear.
"Maybe just one more," answered Len.
The bartender gave him another and got another dollar tip. "Thank ya," he said.
Thank you," said Len, then the man with the big beard nodded and returned to his friends.
Len tasted his drink. The first one was good, he thought, but this one was better — nice and strong. He took another drink, and this time he held it in his mouth about ten seconds before he swallowed. "Mmm," he said, then he noticed the jukebox had stopped playing.
He stood up and unbuttoned his coat. He saw a couple of jackets hanging on pegs by the door, so he took his coat off and put it with them. Then he picked up his drink and sauntered over to the jukebox. He had never heard of most of the songs on it. He put in four quarters for five selections, then punched in one song and went back to the barstool with his empty glass. The bartender was waiting for him.
"Like another?"
"What the hell."
"That's the spirit"
"Make it a double."
"Awright," said the grizzly. He grinned again. "From outa town? I ain't seen ya before... I don't think."
"No. I'm a native. I just don't go to bars much. The last time I was here, it was called Tim's Place."
"Man! That was a good fifteen years ago at least. Here ya go. Four dollars."
Len handed him a twenty. "Sixteen years today. That's how long it's been since I had a drink."
"Ya don't say. Sixteen is your change."
"Keep one for yourself."
"Thank ya."
"Thank you."
"If ya don't mind me askin', what's the big occasion?"
"It's my sixteenth wedding anniversary."
"That so? Congratulations. Wife don't like ya to drink?"
"Len downed his drink and pointed at the glass. The grizzly made him another without a word.
"I guess you could say that," Len finally said.
"If ya don't mind me askin', where is the little woman?"
After a moment of hesitation, he replied, "She passed away yesterday."
"Sorry. How'd it happen?"
"I don't feel like talking about it."
"Sorry. Let me know if ya need anything."
The grizzly turned and started toward the other end of the bar. "See ya'll later! he yelled to the elderly couple, who were leaving.
"Bye, Bob!" returned the man.
The bartender waited on his three friends and began conversing with them again.
Len took a sip of his drink. Damn, he thought, that's about all Scotch. He was feeling light-headed now, but it was the best he'd felt in a long time. Now he wanted to talk about it, and the grizzly bear seemed as good a selection as anyone. "Bob!" he called.
The bartender returned to Len. He saw that the Scotch and soda was still about full. "What can I do for ya?" asked Bob.
"Do you wanna know why my wife died?"
"Ya feel like talkin' about it?"
"She killed herself. Sleeping pills."
"Sorry."
After several seconds of silence, Len said, "You forgot to charge me for this one."
"It's on the house."
"Thank you, Bob."
"Don't mention it."
Len took a sip. "You wanna know why my wife killed herself?
The bartender opened an icy bottle of beer and took a long drink.
"Love," Len said.
"Oh?"
"Yes indeed. Love. Romantic, eh? Except the love wasn't for me, but my best friend Carlton."
"Sorry."
"She loved me, but not like she loved him." He continued, "But she couldn't leave me. She didn't want to hurt me, she said."
"She told ya about it?"
"In her note," said Len. "She didn't want to dishonor me, she said, so she didn't let anyone know. She even told Carlton she loved me and not him. But she didn't want to live without him and she couldn't leave me. She didn't want to hurt me? What the hell does she think she did?" Len sucked down his drink. "Another double, please."
"Are ya sure?"
Len nodded and Bob fixed one more Scotch and soda. Len paid for it, while a young woman walked in the door. She took a stool four down from his.
"What'll ya have, Steph?" Bob asked and grinned.
"Hi, Bob! Uh... I guess I'll just have a Lite, please... with a glass.
"At yer service, Steph," said the bartender as he took a can of beer out of the cooler. Then he opened it, poured half of it in a tall glass and set both before her. "A dollar forty."
"Here you are," said the girl as she handed Bob a dollar bill and counted four dimes into his hand.
Len had been watching her. She had sholder length blonde hair, full of body, and deep, sparkling blue eyes. She took off her jacket, laid it out on the stool and sat on it. She had a slight tan and wore no make-up. She didn't need any. Her lips were round and full, and she wore a plain but pretty navy blue dress with big white buttons.
While Len was watching her sip her beer, grizzly Bob finished his and waited on two of the working stiffs. The one who was drinking out of a glass grabbed his jacket from one of the pegs by the door and left with a wave of his hand over his head. Bob and the others waved back from the end of the bar.
Len finished his drink off, then stood up. Whoosh! Suddenly the liquor hit him twice as hard. He considered sitting back down, then got himself together and went back to his original plan. He walked past the girl. She looked at him and he nodded his head. He passed the two stiffs in baseball caps. No, he thought, theirs are different from Bob's. Then he went by the pool table and into the men's room.
After he urinated, he went to the sink. He put his hands on the counter and rested his weight on them, while he looked into his eyes in the mirror. Damn!" he said to himself, "I am lit!" Then he washed his hands, spalshed water on his face and dried with a couple of paper towels. He looked at his eyes again. "That's better." He remembered that he had forgotten to flush the toilet and did so. Then he went out and back to his stool. The two men were gone and Joe was talking to the girl. She didn't look at Len when he went by this time.
A fresh drink was already at his spot when he sat down. "Joe!" he interrupted, "how much do I owe you?"
"Nothin'. It's on her."
Len looked at Steph and said, "Thanks."
She gave Len a kind glance, then took another sip from her glass. Bob opened another for himself and drank half of it at once.
After a little while, Bob said, "Mondays are always slow, but this is worse than reg'lar. Not that I don't like yer company, but I think I'll close up early and spend some time with the wife this evenin'." He gave another toothy grin, then emptied his bottle. "But ya can have one more if ya wanna."
"Uh... thanks, Bob," the girl said and finished her beer, "but I'd better get going. I feel like a walk in the park. I love it after it rains.
"Awright, Steph," the grizzly said. "Ya want one more?" he asked Len, who had just sat down his empty glass.
"No, unless the lady would care for another."
"Well," she said, "maybe I'll have one... but I'm tired of beer. Give me a shot of cinnamon schnapps, please."
"The same for me, Bob," said Len, "and one for yourself if you like."
"Awright. Don't mind if I do." Bob set up three jigger glasses, grabbed a bottle from the shelf and poured the schnapps. It looked like blood in the dim light. Len paid for the shots and gave the bartender a dollar for himself. Then they all raised their glasses.
"If ya don't mind," said Bob, "I'd like to make a toast to my pretty Stephanie." He grinned through his beard.
"To your wife at home, Bob," she replied with a smile.
And for some time after they had gone their separate ways in the cold October air, the blood kept them feeling warm and alive.





I have to read it still but am amused you left the copyright on it...
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I told you it was unedited...
Not that anyone would want to copy the thing....
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LOL.. I got that.. I thought maybe you were just being hopeful none the less. I still have to finish reading it.......
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LOL... You can tell you use to be a bartender... I was trying to count all the drinks .. he would have to have been lit up!! Geez...
I think it's delightful... not great literature but a good read. I can imagine it was fun to write when you were in prison.. took your mind off things and helped to spend time.
I'm glad you've shared this..
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What music was playin on the juke?
Very odd story....
rock on
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I'm not sure now. I don't even remember writing this. But I can easily imagine Lynyrd Skynyrd playing - maybe "Freebird." Or something by Bob Seger....
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What do the letters M.H. stand for in your name??? Never noticed that before....
Sorry for being so nosy...
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Two other last names.... I always thought it a bit chauvinistic to carry one's father's name and not one's mother's. And since Burroughs is my adoptive dad's last name, for a while I thought I should use my biological father's last name, too. So the H stands for my mom's maiden name and the M stands for my biological father's last name.
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interesting. what made you write this in prison?
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I'm not sure, exactly. I know my current girlfriend (with whom I'd lived since around 1986) and I had cheated on each other. I had seriously contemplated suicide if I ended up in prison. And she had threatened suicide both before and after I went. But though there seem to be vaguely autogiographical elements, I can't say any of the characters were based on real events or real people (I described Broad Street in Elyria accurately, but "Tim's Place" was the name of a bar I frequented in another city, Lorain).
Still haven't answered your question, though.... Maybe writing fiction was a form of escape, a way of keeping myself mentally on the outside as a means of maintaining my sanity while inside. I was also still toying with suicide - but was aware that I hadn't yet fulfilled my potential writing-wise, and still had hope I might be released on appeal soon or that my alleged victim would recant. For a while I was also in love with the idea of writing the "great American novel" - and I thought that would be a way for me to make something good out of my time in prison, prevent it from being a total waste. Largely, though, I think it was an escape.
I just noticed that on page 173 of my jail journal I talked about wanting to expand it into a novel. Haven't yet found the pages I wrote before it, however.... But I know I was reading Hemingway at the time, from what I wrote after. I don't know if I was trying to be Ernest or what.
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It's a good story. I would consider having him kill her so that he could start drinking again.
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Thanks, Tara. I think it could be good with an extensive rewrite. I find the ending particularly unsatisfying - and I think I originally intended to continue it. Maybe he did kill her....
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I don't think it needs extensive rewriting at all. I just think it would be fun to play with Len's motivation. I liked your idea that he could only stay sober when his wife was alive. By the time I got to the end, which I thought great, the idea of the liquor as blood made me think that it's his life's blood, maybe he has blood on his hands, maybe a woman who likes to drink with him is more enticing. Your ending would be really chilling if he killed her.
This piece reminded me of a writing assignment that I had in school. We got to choose from two titles: "We always hurt the ones we love" or "We always kill the ones we love."
I think it's totally inappropriate for you to have a "current girlfriend when you're married! LOL. Reminds me of a story. My Dad was in sales and where he worked was called the sales floor. One day my Mom called him at work and his friend who answered the phone asked, "Pat can I have him call you back? He's on the floor with a woman. My Mom replied, No, thanks. Just tell him I want a divorce. Her idea of a little joke.
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Thanks, Tara!
I know you were kidding, but perhaps I should make clear so that no one gets the wrong idea: by "current girlfriend," I meant girlfriend at the time I wrote this.
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I apologize. I didn't mean to offend you. I never would have said that among people who don't "know" you and Geri. My odd sense of humor found it funny and I was teasing you. You obviously love your wife very much. Sometimes I say dumb things without meaning to.
I read the two Helen's comments and read your story again. I didn't see the depth of the pathos that you created before I read these. It would be a shame if you changed it and lost that. Maybe you could still have sympathy for Len if he was a murderer. Or maybe you're not sure if he's a murderer till the end. Len doesn't drink during his marriage and you could expand on why he sopped and why he started again. I don't think it needs re-writing. I suspect there is lots more to tell about these people. You're a wonderful writer. This story really captured my imagination. I thought it had an Alfred Hitchcock feel to it, especially when he meets the woman. Maybe she's going to help him kick the habit again. Oh my, this story is so good, I can't stop thinking about it. I think you're right that it could be a novel. I want to know more about these people. You've sketched out some really interesting characters that display a lot of depth. I hope that as you come across more of your stories you will put them up here.
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No need to apologize, and you didn't offend me... I was the one who used unclear syntax, though perhaps the context made my meaning clear... lol.
I am grateful for the time you've put into digesting this and offering feedback. You've in turn given me much to think about.
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Thank you. I am greatly relieved. Yes, your meaning was very clear. I'm a frustrated editor. I want to make changes in books that have been published! Have I ever written a book? No. Yet I feel a kinship with authors. Which sometimes leads me to be a huge pain in the ass!
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I really liked this story and I think it is best that the reader does not know all the motivations of the characters or the entire truth of what has occurred. You know what Len says but are you sure it is true? And what is really key is the nature of the prose - "he looked and sounded like a grizzly bear would if grizzly bears tended bar and talked" is descriptive, simple, funny and raw all at once.
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Thank you, Helen! I'm grateful for your feedback.
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In this story lies a deep sadness that I feel reading it. It is written in a place you never should have been and the story tells more than most readers can realize on their first glance.
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Thank you, Elena. Interesting that two different Helens commented in succession....
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