BBC Vogon Poetry Generator
If you've read Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (or seen the movie) you probably remember that the Vogons were aggressive green humanoids who served as bureaucrats in the galactic government. They were also awful poets.
I found a somewhat amusing Vogon Poetry Generator on the BBC website. You just go to the site (http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml), fill in about a dozen blanks, and the generator will take the words you entered and create a more-than-likely unrelated and awful poem using them. Try it — then come back here and share your results in the comments below. I did it for a giggle and here's the poem I got (remember these are the generator's "sentiments," not mine):
Here is your Vogon Poem from BBC Cult to Jesus Crisis ( jc@crisischronicles.com ):
See, see the loving sky
Marvel at its big crossmember crimson depths.
Tell me, Smith do you
Wonder why the hippopotamus ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel sleepy.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your burizzle facial growth
That looks like
A leftover.
What's more, it knows
Your shit potting shed
Smells of pea.
Everything under the big loving sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm buggers.
-*-
LMAO!!! Oh my gosh, I'd better hold my tongue!
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I hope it goes without saying that these are the computer's sentiments, not mine... lol. It just asked for a friend's name and Smith popped into my mind. Plus I know he has a good sense of humor and isn't easily offended. So I decided to share it.
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I hope you'll try the generator and share your poem, too, Terese!
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LOL.. I 'll be right back!!!
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As you know, Smith is one of my favorite poets ever! But the Vogons had absolutely no appreciation for truly great poetry.
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Now we know you are not working but goofing off.
Sorry I had to use your name...
But I laughed out loud on yours.. . mine is I think just as fun. Enjoy!!
See, see the unavailable sky
Marvel at its big tie-dye depths.
Tell me, John do you
Wonder why the dog ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel stoked.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your sniggle facial growth
That looks like
A strawberry.
What's more, it knows
Your haughty potting shed
Smells of clover.
Everything under the big unavailable sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm old milk.
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Haha! I'm honored that you used my name! And right now the dogs are ignoring me. But I shaved my sniggle facial growth this morning.
Now I must return to house cleaning - I just stole away for a quick minute to post this.
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Vogon Poem Generator
See, see the niggling sky
Marvel at its big magenta depths.
Tell me, lynn do you
Wonder why the platypus ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel depressed.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your orthogonic facial growth
That looks like
ice cream.
What's more, it knows
Your fubsy potting shed
Smells of snot.
Everything under the big niggling sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm horseradishs.
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Here's mine.. this is why it's the third worst poetry in the world. LOL
See, see the haggard sky
Marvel at its big baby **** green depths.
Tell me, Bob do you
Wonder why the buzzard ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel Zombie-ish.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your floobershnitzle facial growth
That looks like
A mold.
What's more, it knows
Your Passat potting shed
Smells of booger.
Everything under the big haggard sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm onion breaths.
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LOL... charm onion breath...
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Haha! I see you used a dirty word, too. They replaced my "shit" with four asterisks, but I put it back. And everytime I see the word "haggard" I can't help but think of Merle, the country singer, which adds yet another dimension to your poem. "Daddy Frank played the guitar and the French harp...." Thanks for sharing yours!
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Since they were concealing "shit," maybe I should have used this spelling: Assterisks.
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My favorite part was your disclaimer at the end. It reminded me of the old message, "The opinions expressed here are not those of this program or this station." Priceless!
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Hahahahahhahaha! I love this thing! Here's mine:
See, see the strict sky
Marvel at its big burnt umber depths.
Tell me, john do you
Wonder why the possum ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel foggy.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your homgussle facial growth
That looks like
A beer.
What's more, it knows
Your swive potting shed
Smells of blade of grass.
Everything under the big strict sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm karmas.
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Haha! That's a goodie. I'm honored again!
I especially like the possum and "charm karmas."
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And here's James's Vogon poem:
See, see the sporty sky
Marvel at its big lime green depths.
Tell me, greg do you
Wonder why the porcupine ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel great.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your pistapoop facial growth
That looks like
A chocolate milk.
What's more, it knows
Your bite me potting shed
Smells of leprechaun.
Everything under the big sporty sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm piss.
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LOL! "Your bite me potting shed / Smells of leprechan."
You go, James!
Thanks for sharing these, Dianne!
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LOL.. Well there is a love poem site as well as a dozen others. But if your up for trying a Valentine poem here you go. I do not believe it will score you any points on Valentine's Day.... but it was good for a laugh.
http://www.links2love.com/poem_generator.htm
My Love
Your skin glows like the cumquat, blossoms moist as the poppy in the purest hope of spring.
My heart follows your horn voice and leaps like a buffalo at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats in on a great wren’s wing.
I am comforted by your dress that I carry into the twilight of bottlebeams and hold next to my lips.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of wine.
As my hip falls from my shirt, it reminds me of your hair.
In the quiet, I listen for the last whisper of the day.
My heated eye leaps to my stocking. I wait in the moonlight for your secret hand so that we may stroke as one, eye to eye, in search of the magnificient blue and mystical rock of love.
Works in a similar way you choose certain words... it will generate a poem.
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Haha! Thanks, Chris. A love generator to render Cupid obsolete.... And cumquat is a word without parallel! Let me see what kinda poem I get there, and I'll be back.
Meanwhile, here are more FB comments:
See, see the voluptuous sky
Marvel at its big baby **** brown depths.
Tell me, Terri do you
Wonder why the vampire bat ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel disappointed.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your splanker facial growth
That looks like
A sour cream.
What's more, it knows
Your titular potting shed
Smells of martian.
Everything under the big voluptuous sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm shoess.
Nikki's is one of the "kerdiest" (in Johnese: "grooviest").
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My heart follows your flute voice and leaps like a rhino at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats in on a great dodo wing.
I am comforted by your jock strap that I carry into the twilight of Godbeams and hold next to my ear.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of Great Lakes Christmas Ale.
As my finger falls from my stocking, it reminds me of your faun.
In the quiet, I listen for the last bang of the day.
My heated toe leaps to my tie. I wait in the moonlight for your secret cream so that we may bang as one, toe to toe, in search of the magnificient auburn and mystical monument of love.
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OMG!
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That makes a whole lot of sense. LMFAO
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this has me laughing so it must be good.
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lol... thanks, Joy!
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same shit, different bad:
Vogon Poem Generator
Here is your Vogon Poem from BBC Cult to smith ( smithcrimes@yahoo.com )
See, see the sweet sky
Marvel at its big puce depths.
Tell me, Juke do you
Wonder why the rhinoceros ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel daze.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your fruddlehump facial growth
That looks like
A cold.
What's more, it knows
Your frigate potting shed
Smells of mold.
Everything under the big sweet sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm politicss.
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Haha! Thanks for sharing your results.
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See, see the sad sky
Marvel at its big shit brown depths.
Tell me, Azeala do you
Wonder why the bulldog ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel needy.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your achanagandarapa facial growth
That looks like
A grape juice.
What's more, it knows
Your bitch potting shed
Smells of four leaf clover.
Everything under the big sad sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm patchouli.
this is funny and made me laugh!
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Haha! Cool! Thanks for sharing yours, Joy.
I actually love patchouli.
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