Jesus Speaks - 1. In the Beginning
This is your pilot, Jesus. This airplane I call me's been in a bit of a creative funk lately. I can't be totally biographical (or autobiographical) because I'm concerned with what people might think if they lack all the context — I'm afraid folks might not see the whole picture and I don't trust my ability or willingness to give it to them. I don't want to oversimplify or caricaturize anyone. And I can't please everyone, though I desperately want to do just that. I also can't make interesting things up because (1) I don't want folks who are used to me trying to be real thinking they can take them as real happenings and (2) I don't want to bullshit folks or be accused of bullshitting or confuse the facts of my existence with the bullshit to such a degree that no one knows what to believe. Often I feel I can't be creative or blur the lines of reality — even though I know it's impossible for anyone to be totally objective and as soon as we put anything into words we immediately make it both more and less than what it really is. There are no real lines, are there? But I simply can't. Or can I? I often feel I must be plain spoken and prosaic, lest anyone misunderstand. But do I?
Okay, this airplane has been in the hangar long enough. And if it's to stay there indefinitely, what's the point of having a plane or paying the hangar fees anyway? I'm telling myself, "Just write, brother!" So I'm going to simply free flow — not worry about sticking to the facts or staying in character or even speaking with my own voice. The perspective will change constantly. I'll be using the voices of a multitude of others, real and imagined, with indistinct and in some cases nonexistent boundaries between them all. And I will write, as much as possible, without thinking — without caring if it's totally true or totally false, if it's well or "adequately" written, or even whether anyone will understand any or all of it or not. I just want to manure my garden. This is creative writing, people, or my latest stab at it. Don't take it too seriously — but know, on the other hand, that I'm taking it very seriously — though I'm throwing out my self-written "book" of how to write, for liberty's and prolificity's sake. This is an experiment, in the name of Jesus. And despite my nom de blog, I'm not really Jesus — never have been. Jesus is dead, and I can put anything I want — including my would-be literary air craft — into his mouth. This prospect stimulates me.
That's the disclaimer — time to fly. Stay tuned.
[To read "Jesus Speaks - 2. Christianity," click here.]
Okay, this airplane has been in the hangar long enough. And if it's to stay there indefinitely, what's the point of having a plane or paying the hangar fees anyway? I'm telling myself, "Just write, brother!" So I'm going to simply free flow — not worry about sticking to the facts or staying in character or even speaking with my own voice. The perspective will change constantly. I'll be using the voices of a multitude of others, real and imagined, with indistinct and in some cases nonexistent boundaries between them all. And I will write, as much as possible, without thinking — without caring if it's totally true or totally false, if it's well or "adequately" written, or even whether anyone will understand any or all of it or not. I just want to manure my garden. This is creative writing, people, or my latest stab at it. Don't take it too seriously — but know, on the other hand, that I'm taking it very seriously — though I'm throwing out my self-written "book" of how to write, for liberty's and prolificity's sake. This is an experiment, in the name of Jesus. And despite my nom de blog, I'm not really Jesus — never have been. Jesus is dead, and I can put anything I want — including my would-be literary air craft — into his mouth. This prospect stimulates me.
That's the disclaimer — time to fly. Stay tuned.
Posted by Jesus Crisis at 1/30/2010 6:19 PM 
Categories: Writing and Poetry, Jesus Speaks
Tags: Jesus Crisis Jesus Speaks
Categories: Writing and Poetry, Jesus Speaks
Tags: Jesus Crisis Jesus Speaks
fly high... write well...
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Thanks, P!
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just don't pay any attention to the guy in the explosive underpants & you'll be fine. it's not the destination, it's the journey. i just made that up. wait, no i didn't. did i?
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I got a shirt in Maine a few years ago - on its back it bears the motto "The journey is the destination." On the same trip, I got a t-shirt in New Hampshire that says "Live free or die."
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IMO you should feel free to write whatever strikes your fancy w/o worry of a) what others think b) consistency and c) worth.
I think the blog paradigm, the social media paradigm makes us very conscious of trying to please others, but as writers, we owe it to ourselves to let some people with whom we network fall by the wayside if we can't actually make creative use of the media.
Like, I could try to act totally benevolent in what I express, but I'd still step on someone's toes.
Business use of social media is different from literary & artistic use. Businesses need to be concerned with an aura of professionalism and it behooves them to try to appeal to everyone. That's why Walmart has that smiley thing. But people are not smileys. People are personalities, complex. Writers are epitome of self-actualization, of expression, the exact opposite of bland smileys.
You can't provide your complete context to people all at once. All you can do is present yourself moment by moment. People who are quick to judge are acting immature, and it's their problem, not yours. You don't owe explanations to everyone. Although if it is in your nature to explain, then do it gladly. But get to where you want to go, too!
My two cents.
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Upon re-reading this it seems like I spake a bunch of paragraphs at you--but this is how I feel about what *I* should do, too. Strong language to help goad myself into writing more.
& I don't think that you have *not* used media creatively. I do think that you feel constrained tho--you've said this in the past.
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Thank you, Lady! Very well said and I found myself saying throughout: "You know, she's right!"
Part of the problem for me is the business element. Though I make very little (really just about nothing) off of this site or my social networking, I'm still conscious of the fact that potential employers, publishers, etc. may be hooked or repelled by anything I post. I'd rather dispense with the alleged business element altogether and keep it strictly to art. But - for just one example - the business element is indispensable when it comes to my wife. Why else indulge me? When she sees little "business" (maybe not the best word for it, since I'm always busy but rarely earning), impatience rears its head - somewhat understandably - and peace becomes problematic. So I keep trying to find the right balance between business water and creative oil - though keeping them thoroughly mixed expends more energy than I'd like and barely keeps the salad of expression palatable or even edible. If I was actually making money off my "business expediture" of energy, I might be able to swallow the mix more easily. But if all I get out of it is art - I think, why not put all the energy into art and fuck the business? As I imagine you well know, it's not so easy.
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I'm going through the same thing with my husband. I am leaving the ranks of the unemployed to join the ranks of the underemployed. I got a white collar job, but it pays about $10 an hour less than what I was making when I had to leave work for my daughter. I thought he would be on cloud nine that I got a job. We actually discussed my getting a job at Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, this huge leap of getting back into the work force has not brought enough money our way to make a huge dent in the balance sheet. It really hurts me, even though I'm doing the best I can to pay my own way.
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I do all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, but since I don't get compensated for that it gets undervalued around here. Nobody cares about it but me.
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writing goes in cycles. after writing poems from 1964 through 1975, i quit for 10 years, then took a cross country non-stop drive on crystal meth and as i drove back, wrote my first poem in 10 years.
Wall Street
Pushing through the night
Eastward to the moon
Not yet risen,
False dusk of reason dons
Its mantis mating respectability
Sans honor, self or soul.
Money talks of dawn, damns
The discarded husk of culture
And enlightens genes for green,
Without the warranty.
And haven't really slown down much except for a couple months at a time since.
Of course it was easier for me not to write because my collages and assemblages and sculptures satisfied my creative need.
My blog went into a different mode around two years ago when things happened i really could not write about without hurting people, so i started blogging more fotos, more news, etc. there's always a way around.
me, i write for me, try to make it as clear and concise and true as possible, then leave it and go on to the next day's lies.
writers gotta write - wrong or not.
as for only true, i lie a lot openly, which helps me slip the ocassional truth in without folks always catching on.
good luck. i think this 5-6 day non-blog of yours is the longest i've known you to be away.
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I went from 1998 to 2008 without writing much, if any, poetry - but I still wrote a lot - plays/songs, letters from prison, then letters to prison and blogs. Ah, well....
I feel there's always so much to say. Mainly I just wanna thank you for your friendship. What you've said is really, really helpful -- the fact that you say it almost as much as what you say. I'm grateful to know you.
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So much of our recent poetry is stream of consciousness thoughts and we cannot expect everyone to understand or even like these thoughts. Yes the journey is the destination but we cannot foresee where it will take us. I find humor of the really amusing kind readily understood. I also have a t-shirt I bought in Australia with the alps and a a kangaroo. It reads "In Austria there are no kangaroos." I think your puns are fun and your writing is creative so don't worry..You will have those who love what you write no matter what!! Don't have another identity crisis, Jesus!! Be yourself.
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But I'm not really Jesus! My whole life has been an identity crisis.
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The identity you have is what you are and what you alone want to be. We are all shaped by our circumstances in life and we are always in a changing universe. If your conflict is having to decide whether art is more important than $$ let me remind you that it is! There are a lot of "friends" that I call half-friends. But a friend when in need is a friend indeed. And if your mantra is "love is the only god" go with your god and also remember that to love your neighbor as yourself you have to love yourself first. Give yourself approval, eliminate all negativity if possible and find your true identity. Remember also that Jesus is just a name and is often used as a swear word by taking the name of the "lord" in vain. You are John and always will be and I think the world of you and your art and your creativity, your scholarship, your knowledge and so I wish you success in all these endeavors. Just keep on keeping on and it will all come back to you tenfold.
Hugs from Elena
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Dear "Jesus," I read your second entry first, so I know already that this is going to be a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing your process. I haven't been able to write anything worth sharing in a long time. I would like to try what you're doing; I just have to summon the courage.
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Thanks, Tara! Of course there are other concerns besides the "business" stuff discussed in the above comments. For one example, I was just on the phone with Mom and she asked me if anything's wrong: "I saw your blog."
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Dear John,
I write you this in the small hours of the morning as something of your frame of mind has stayed with me...
You have generously granted us admittance into the beehive of your mind - with its fascinating activities, interests and much sustenance to share. We are not entitled to this, and those (strangers) who do not appreciate this are welcome to buzz off... Your first allegiance is to yourself, and then immediate circle (however you choose to define this).
I hope you carry on being and becoming through what sounds like the birthpangs if a new style.
It's good to know you,
Yahia
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