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• 7/23/2011 1:08 PM karenfrommentor wrote:
  especially liked the phrase "fractured brown cobwebs"
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  1. 7/23/2011 1:14 PM Jesus Crisis wrote:
     Thanks for reading and for your kind comment, Karen.
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• 7/23/2011 1:30 PM Dianne wrote:
  I have to admit I liked the phrase "cruisin' for a brew sin"- that's classic John Burroughs, there.
  
  I could see you expanding this a bit, tying the two stanzas together with a few bridging lines. Lots of good images here, lots of depth. "Just get out of their way"- I like that, too.
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  1. 7/23/2011 2:16 PM Jesus Crisis wrote:
     Thank you for reading and responding.  Sure, there's much that could be done with these.  But the achievement or point for me was to let them be.
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     1. 7/23/2011 2:34 PM Dianne wrote:
        Yes, I do see the "unedited" notation on the title. I've always admired your strength in letting a piece be exactly as you originally wrote it. I tend to overthink my lines, and what results isn't always what germinated. I shall "open my eyes" and read it through several more times. I always get more out of your poems on repeated perusings.
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        1. 7/24/2011 9:19 AM Jesus Crisis wrote:
           
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• 7/23/2011 1:32 PM Alicia wrote:
  The whole bottle...because...indeed.
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  1. 7/23/2011 2:10 PM Jesus Crisis wrote:
     Indeed.  Thank you.
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• 7/23/2011 1:48 PM Anonymous wrote:
  No poem at all.
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  1. 7/23/2011 2:09 PM Jesus Crisis wrote:
     Abre los ojos.
     
     
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• 7/23/2011 4:20 PM chris wrote:
  I hate when people are anonymous... especially when they don't have anything nice to say... a bit cowardly.
  
  I like several lines... but these I liked especially because they led somewhere... and left me to wonder where.. I like when lines do that..
  
  "why did you leave
  languages I can speak
  the only witnesses"
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  1. 7/23/2011 8:47 PM John B aka Jesus Crisis wrote:
     Thanks! Sometimes it seems that no matter what I post, someone's gonna have something negative to say or think about it. But that's not unique to my work. Maybe it's human nature.
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     1. 7/23/2011 9:40 PM chris wrote:
        Well I think it's cowardly to hide behind an anonymous posting... but I don't think there is anything wrong with someone having an opinion about someone's work.... people are gonna have opinions one way or another about the subject matter of the the way it is written.. good or bad. And not everyone likes or thinks my work is any good.. but I'd prefer them to say it straight up than do a "hit and run"... like this person did.
        
        But if you are gonna say you don't think something is a poem .. then back it up with why and don't hide behind a veiled curtain.... why be anonymous?
        
        Otherwise it's just a meaningless opinion.
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        1. 7/24/2011 9:01 AM John B aka Jesus Crisis wrote:
           If one looks for poetry in everything, one will find it.
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• 7/24/2011 6:48 AM Elena wrote:
  I just read this for the first time and realize that sometimes poems are like dream material. I have had a few disconnected thoughts in my dreams lately and find the subconscious overpowering and wonder if this poem was the result of a dream. Since you added a clip from Vanilla Sky as a comment it did open my eyes to the meaning of the poem. Very subtle, John!
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  1. 7/24/2011 9:04 AM John B aka Jesus Crisis wrote:
     When I posted this on FB, I said "I ain't no Berry, man" - a reference to John Berryman's Dream Songs. I highly recommend that book, though I've not yet finished reading it.
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